I wonder what is wrong with me. Or maybe there is nothing wrong and I should stop seeing it as a bad thing. Falling in love and having a love story with someone does not always mean that things will work. When things are undone, the love stays… It cannot go away with hatred. I did try that. I tried to hate him with all my heart, but I could not, no matter how hard I tried.
Even if I tried to see all the things he had done wrong. How he had used me and treated me like crap. I managed to tell myself that I was making up stories. And here I am running after him, praying, hoping that one days things will get better. But tonight, I feel like I am the only one trying and maybe I should open up my eyes and love him from afar. I cannot fight love, I just have to accept it and admit it. I just have to keep on loving him. Loving him from a distance, praying for all the good things to happen to him. Praying for his happiness. I have to accept the fact that love does not always end up happening as it does in a fairy tale. I have to be strong. I have to move on. I have to pray God to help me carry this with strength and I have to hope that one day loving him will stop causing so much pain. I have to hope that one day, I will be able to love someone else more than I love him and that person would respond to my love in a sane way. I have to hope that this future love will just BE.
It’s just funny that, no matter how much someone you love has hurt you so badly, any little pain that hr himself feels is just as if the end of the world was happening. I wish that one day someone will love me with such a love that surpasses love. I wish one day I will be able to love myself as much… :'(