field

Heartache

 

My grandparents have just left for Mexico from their 3 weeks’ stay. During their departure and I feel strangely sad. Sad, as if I had insulted them and I had never apologized and then I let them go. My grandmother is more affectionate than my parents, selflessly and effortlessly taking on chores and pleasing us… I felt uncomfortable when she asked me whether I wanted her to serve me something; it felt terrible. In my family, our grandparents are held to a higher esteem and I would never consider her serving me anything. I have become this kind of person with strangers too, as long as I do nothing to anyone, no one should to me either, although I can pardon and abandon selfish people. So, I never demanded anything. She however, was a sane person and asking– was not strange to her. I do her favors, I let her hug me, I let her cook for me, I remind her, I let her speak of her heart and mind to me and I say yes. How shall I miss my mother. Grandfather is quieter, I think, he wants to able to love like Grandma but in our culture, and especially in our family, that is a no. I might feel bad for him, God love him. Now this house shall be emptier, dimmer. I hope no things too bad come my way. 

92F Clear Kelly Clarkson – Irvine

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