Letter To You

Dear Heartbreaker,

        You started selling out your body for drugs, so I’ve heard. I’ve also heard that you like Sam. Is it true? Did you really leave me for someone so low and fake? By the way that scar on her chest is from a mole, not a knife stab. She lied about that just like she lied about being raped eight times. Because she is a lying hunk of crap. But anyways…

         I hope you come to realize everything you lost. Because when you lost me you lost a part of yourself. I realized that the reason your hitting rock bottom now is because I always held you up. You had to stay strong so you could be my role model. But now that you don’t have me looking up to you, the whole world is your outhouse. To shit on the things that used to make you so happy, and so lovable.

         Surprisingly, I have managed to keep up with myself, and now that you aren’t holding me down, I can focus on who I truly am rather than who you sculpt me to be. But the problem is I still miss you. Why?

         Why do I have to miss you? Those deep brown eyes, the way your hair flops around when you grow it out, how loudly you cough and how funny you look when your face is all scrunched up when you laugh. I miss all of these things, why?

         Your family probably still hates me, which I discovered isn’t my fault. They hated me for dragging you down, when really, you did it to yourself. I didn’t give myself permission to control you, and I never did. I was steering you out of trouble because you got reckless. I became your babysitter. And if you had just grown up and managed yourself, we would still be together.

         But instead we stopped talking. Please just text me. It isn’t hard to say hello. We used to be best friends remember? You know all my secrets. And I know your biggest one. But I haven’t spread it around have I? No. Because you can trust me, just like always.

          Your friends used me, pretended to care and then abused me because of you. Rumors spread around and now I have a record. I lost everything. And the biggest thing I lost was my skin. My hips and wrist became so raw that now skin neglects to grow there. That’s what happens when the knife is sharper than your perspective.

         I wish you were here to take care of me and to tell me it would all be okay. I miss you.

 I love you Bean.

2 thoughts on “Letter To You”

  1. Your journal entry is heart-breaking. I don’t know what to say. I am so sorry. God bless you.

Leave a Comment: