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Don’t.

Let me tell you a story.

A few years ago, I met this girl. She lit up my life and gave me reason to go on. At the time, I was having a hard time with school, bullies, and drama in and of itself. But when she came along, I felt as if I could do it. I could get through whatever this life threw at me. And for a time, it was true.

But as I got to know her even more, I uncovered her dark past and roiling demons. She poured her heart and soul out to me in tears, telling me everything there was to know about her and her experiences in life, good and bad. It was then that I realized she was much like me. I had been through the same things – physical/sexual abuse, depression, family problems – and from then on we did everything together. People called us the Inseparable Pair.

But almost a year ago, she started having problems with bullies in school. People started making fun of her personality and mocking her because she was so intelligent and smart. Scars started to appear on her wrists and arms, making me go mad with rage. I nearly got suspended from school for decking one of the dipshits that started all of it.

But no matter what I did – no matter how many times I said it would be okay – she didn’t stop. One day, after a particularly harsh day, I received a text from her. I still remember, to this day, exactly what it said. “I love you. I just can’t do this anymore. Stay strong.” I called her endless times as I ran to her house. When I got there, I burst through the door and up to her room – there she was, laying on her bed with the most peaceful expression on her face, and empty sleep aid medication bottle in her limp hand. The text she sent me must have been sent only minutes before.

Her heart beat was slow and faint when I called the police. By the time they had arrived, it was gone. The tried to revive her, but failed. I still remember holding her hand and sobbing on the way to the hospital in the speeding ambulance, where they confirmed her dead.

This story wasn’t told to make you feel bad for me. I didn’t write it up because I want attention. I posted this because I want to remind everyone that suicide doesn’t get rid of the pain; it just dumps it onto other people sevenfold. It isn’t a solution, and it is not the only way out. People depend on you, whether you like it or not. Even if you don’t know it, people love you. I LOVE YOU.

So put down the razor, toss the bottle of pills, untie the rope. You matter and you are important to me and so many more people.

One thought on “Don’t.”

  1. This gave me goosebumps. I can’t imagine how hard that would have been and still is to live with. You are inspiring that you can still encourage others to hold on, try harder rather than letting the darkness consume you too. Thank you for your kind words X

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