You are my all.

I may have moved away. I may be too far to see every day. But you will always be mine and I will always be yours, Just because we are apart as we were before we found each other doesn’t at all mean that I cannot be the one to catch your tears, that I cannot be the one that you can always lean on and trust. Even if I am not in flesh and blood, I am there in heart and soul.

But you also have to remember that I am missing you too. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss your smile or remember the way you used to hug me when I cried. Not a second of any day goes by without me thinking of the next time I will be able to see you. 

Sure, I have moved a lot in my life before I met you. I always knew that I would be moving again, so I didn’t let myself get attached to anyone or anything. But I met you and I couldn’t help but spend as much time and share as many moments as I could before the inevitable move would happen again. 

It hurts to know that things will never be the same, no matter how many times I lie to myself about it being okay. Every time I told you I would always be there… It just made me a liar. I lied to keep myself sane, because I couldn’t deal with the fact that I was going to lose you. I couldn’t take the thought of not seeing you every day. I still can’t. It’s the reason I cry myself to sleep or refrain from sleeping at all. 

I thought it would be easier to let you go. I thought that, since I had done it so many other times, I could move without a second thought of the place I left behind. But there has been a lot more than second or third thoughts. I may keep saying that I’ll get through it, that I’m fine or strong enough, but it isn’t true at all. I broke on Saturday, knowing that I wouldn’t be at colorguard practice anymore. Knowing that I wouldn’t be the captain that the team needed. Knowing that I wasn’t enough, so God or the universe or whatever decided that you didn’t need me anymore. 

I want you to know that I love you and always will, even if you eventually do not. 


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