June 27

Grief is such a strange thing.  It kind of comes and goes in waves.  It’s strange I do remember thinking that whenever something happened to my mom if I was still working I was going to type my brains out…then two weeks after her death we got this overtime and I’ve been working myself silly.

Basically of late, I work as much overtime as I can (out of the amount allowed) until I get so tired I’m sick, then I slow down.  It keeps me from thinking too much although think I surely do.

Losing our mom…for me has been the hardest loss of my 63 years.  I don’t want to be so sad; I don’t see much sense in it really but I am pretty sad anyhow.  The thing is now that she is gone too; we have no parents.  All at once I’m grieving my childhood, I’m grieving my family, I’m missing dad all over again as well.  I told my brother the other night I started thinking of my paternal grandparents times spent out in the country with the family and I thought I must go to sleep before I start missing ancestors I never knew!  Ah…but the country time memory was so very lovely.  I remembered summer nights as it was getting, had gotten dark. The whole family sitting around on the front porch. The grownups talking us kids getting drowsy and lightening bugs lighting up the night.  And my those evenings seemed endless because time passed so slowly then!  Oh to go back…for just a little while.  Alas, that cannot be.

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