I cant sleep any more. My nights are restless and uncomfortable. When I do sleep I wake up often in and out of dreams filled with narcissism and fear. This darkness is consuming me. I am starting to wondering if I am going crazy by assertion. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Now days I am a shell of who I once was. I am this woman I have never met. I am this woman he has created. What clothes do I like to wear? What things interest me most? What do I want out of life? Do I like fiction or nonfiction better? Where do I stand politically? What things do I like to eat? How much should I weigh? Is there a God? I don’t have the slightest clue to any of these things anymore.
I have been enduring the silent treatment sense yesterday afternoon. The obsession grows greater and greater tormenting my mind. I must have checked my phone 300 times at least by now. It says that he read my last message but he never did send reply. The silent treatment is one of his favorite games to play with me. I have learned by now I cant not say anything about it or he will say something like “and this is why your insane. Jesus it was only a day I was busy do you have no life? stop worrying about what I’m doing and get off your lazy ass and do something with your self” . He never admits to doing anything wrong. I just have to shut my mouth and take it all.