The first entry to a journal is always the hardest. There’s so much you want to say or catch up on. I guess I will start with the purpose of this journal. I am a submissive and I figure having a journal is a good thing, one it documents my journey and two its always a good tool for my Dominant to read so he knows what I’m feeling throughout our relationship. Even though I am always honest with my Dominant sometimes its best for Him to just read a post.                       Well lets start with my history of being a submissive. About 10-11 years ago started my interest in BDSM and Dominant/submissive relationships. My first Dominant was awesome, I learned a lot from him. However our time ended when my contract ended, I knew he wouldn’t be my permanent Dom from the beginning. My 2nd Dominant was different from the first, his style was more DD/lg (Daddy Dominant/ little girl). He was older and liked taking care of me. However at one point in our relationship he wanted to bring in a third person, a second submissive. I got along great with the person he chose. We were great friends, until one day I felt things were different when we played and they felt it too. Apparently unbeknownst to me they had fallen in love with one another and decided they didn’t need or want a third person in their relationship. So contract ended. It really hurt because I had real deep feelings for this Dominant and to be cut off like that wasn’t good for me. Which caused to be run blindly into my 3rd Dominant. I will save this story for another post but bottom line he ignored my safe word and I ended up leaving the lifestyle after that ordeal. I haven’t had a Dominant in 11 years. So getting back into it is a little intimidating and oh God trying to find a Dominant nowadays that is isn’t insane or caught up on “50 shades” nonsense. I’ve been at it for about a year now and all I keep running into is crazy people. I was almost about to delete my Fetlife account. Then I got a message from him….continued in next post

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