We broke up. It was sudden and devastating.

A part of me was in denial for over a day. How does something so beautiful just go away. A part of me was glad it was quick. There were no long drawn fights. No drama. 

He realized he wasn’t ready for a relationship. And that was it. He refused to meet me. Refused to take calls. I tried as much as I could. He oscillated between wanting to remain friends and a clean break. I didn’t even have a say. 

2 days of rising and falling hopes. Last night he was so good. We texted for hours and it was so normal. We cracked jokes and checked on each other. Today morning, it was fine. 

Then he spoke to his brother and I had a breakdown around the same time. The thing is the breakup happened over text and it made me immensely uncomfortable. I wanted to talk to him in person so I could have my closure. But he wouldn’t even talk on phone. Also his brother is a commitment phobe and let’s just say things went way downhill. 

Despite knowing the state I am in, despite knowing how sick I have been the past 2 weeks, despite knowing how anxious I get, he didn’t have the decency to meet me or even call me. 

In fact, he blocked me on every platform we used for communicating. It was monstrous and harsh. I expected better treatment from him. Everybody who has interacted with us has said we have a spark. How perfect we are. I see it myself. I am not a flighty dreamer but it shocked me nevertheless. I didn’t expect this to happen so suddenly, and certainly not this way.

I was a miserable ball of snot for 2 days but the biggest examination of my life is in less than 4 months. And I cannot afford to mope over a guy who treated me like scum. 

The funny thing is, I don’t hate him. I am disappointed in him but I don’t hate him. I am open to reconciliation and friendship if he is. And if he initiates it. I know he probably won’t. He’s stubborn and his ego is a few sizes too big. 

I have made my peace with things. If he is too much of a coward to commit to the pact we made (that no matter what, we will go back to being friends), I don’t need such a person around anyway. 

And if after he has had time to process everything, he can man up and talk to me face to face and apologize for his extremely shitty treatment. 

Both outcomes seem like they are in my favor now.

I know that I was strong, even wise in the way I processed what happened. And despite the way I felt yesterday and all day today, the time we had today was worth it all. He was perfect. But I know that statistically, this isn’t game over for me. And I am not scared to fall in love again if it comes to it.

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