I tried to read, and calm my mind. It wasn’t working…like everything is going to hell all at once. Feels that way anyway, my dreams are all too real and vivid…at the same time…i feel calm. Perhaps the calm before the storm? No…ill fix what needs fixing some how….the cat is missing,  she is my baby’s baby! He loves her sooo. How could they be so careless and let her out? Maybe she will come back. Let’s hope! I miss daddy o,dreadfully. But I understand…im scared to say the least. Rents due…all my bills,  school starting. J bday soon after. I asked ,K or rather he offered to help. It was the hardest thing for me. After saying ok and chocking on my pride. I don’t think he ment it…i could be WRONG. Guess I’ll know soon enough. I have one more option I’ll try tomorrow…i must get the car payment in L account. I’m sooo very wrong, but it galls me to be struggling like I am ,and knowing that the money ,I’m about to give her is going to a man in prison. Is what it is though, she can do what she pleases with it. I miss my baby somthing mad…im always missing someone it seems. I work in the am. Can’t sleep …scared to sleep. I’m not unhappy, sometimes lonely.  Scared and unsure….i truthfully believe  I’m ment to be alone though, why.. I often wonder. I think I’ll try to eyes..goodnight.

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