7 Years

So this is it? Can’t be sad. It’s what? Seven years later and I never thought in my wildest dreams that I’d get the chance to kiss you again. I did consider that a part of my past. Something I could only feel again in my memories. But you were always considered unfinished business. I always imagined a ‘one last time’. And now I’ve had that. It was exactly as I remembered it. But is it enough for me? I’m lying to myself. I am trying to convince myself that I’m okay with it. But I’m not.

I just have a feeling this has run its course again for what would make it the third time. This time shorter than them all. But that moment more significant than the rest.

I know there is a great chance that this is all in my head. But it’s all I’ve ever known. They are there for a short while, interested in me for a little bit, and then gone the next. And whilst what I am telling myself might be a lie – and that in fact, there still is some interest, I can’t help but retreat from the situation before anything awkward or annoying can come of it. I’ve always took pride in the fact that nothing was ever bad between us – I want to keep it that way. Therefore, I must avoid the needy questions. As much as me and anyone else would long for answers, I just have to leave it. Just as I did the last two times seven years ago. I just hope I am not making a mistake.

I hate feeling like my seventeen year old self. I can’t believe I am here again seven years later.

So this is it. I hate to sound fucking cheesy but I am going to adopt the analogy ‘if you love something, let it go, if it comes back then that’s how you know’. So I am kicking the ball right out of my court and straight in the middle of yours.  And as my seventeen year old self once said ‘don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened’. It is completely relevant again seven years later. And I am happy that I got the chance again. I am still in awe about it. But at least I have something fresh to hold onto.

Lets just hope that I am wrong. If not soon – maybe we will meet again another seven years later. 

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