Ive been in a weird moment in life lately with my parents. Every passing day I can feel my parents minds slipping away into what I feel is the darkness of what they created to be their universe. My tears can only mimmic shooting stars crossing the plains of my cheeks. I see their mind has come to a halt when it comes to expanding , I can’t help but feel my heart become solid with confusion. Im 23 years old and sadly I feel as if I have a better understanding of what life is then they do. It pains me to say this because these words aren’t tainted with narcism of ones self. I wish they were. I see my father getting older than he should be. Residing into what feels like an early coffin he calls his bed, while my mother does nothing all day, watching her loved one work five days a week to support a family of four. All she wants is more than she needs, my mother wasn’t always this way. At one point she also picked flowers with me and sat in the grass. Now she’s left nothing but her imprint in my backyard with what should of been our seats,but they have now turned into leather couches that mimmic dead cows that remind me of my dead parents.
When I shared an acid trip with my sibling we both spoke of how we’ve been feeling about our parents and we both looked at the lake that was touching our existence and realized that we saw nothing but our parents bodies floating down the river. This is when I had to have acceptance in realizing who my parents once were and who they are now & they’re never coming back. Just because you have a heart beat doesn’t mean you’re alive. The sense of being ” alive” is so demanded into nothingness by todays society and my parents have to happened to be stabbed in the center of their soul. I accept this as I hug them in the morning. Good bye mom and dad, Ill always love you now & how you use to be.
Ill always love you – Jenny