The Person I’ve Become

I can’t stand to see the person I’ve become, I was never this person before. It’s tearing me apart. I was so different before. I had no care in the world for what people thought about me, but now that’s all I think about. My mom and I fight everyday, like its a planned thing. It was never like this. It gets terrible. Before, I couldn’t even imagine talking back to her let alone getting into arguments with her. This person I’ve become is not someone you would want around. All I think about is how much I hate myself. The hatred I have against my own body is outrageous. I don’t even think I know what self-love is anymore. Right now my thoughts are all over the place, and are probably making no sense, but I’m falling apart. I feel my world crumbling around me. I feel like such a shitty person, and I shouldn’t feel that way about myself, but I can’t help it. I feel myself slipping back into a dark place, and I can’t help but think this downward spiral is only going to continue.

One thought on “The Person I’ve Become”

  1. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and all of this sounds very familiar to me. I can’t tell you a secret code to make it better or anything, but I think you can try a few things to help.
    1) Accept who you are becoming. I don’t mean be happy that you are down all the time, but maybe things have become so fishy because on the inside you are becoming a new person. Try not to focus on the negatives, and seek out the positive parts of this new you.
    2) Don’t so anything rash. Don’t say that one thing that will make your mom cry, try not to make yourself cry either. Don’t go to self harm or an eating disorder. Try to stay as calm as you can and see the true beauty in every situation you find yourself in.
    3) Hang in there. Maybe things are rough right now, but it can’t rain forever! Try seeing a therapist or writing out more of what you feel, and maybe this will help you regain control of what you are thinking. But never let you tell yourself your not good enough because you are smart and beautiful and individually you!

    You wouldn’t have this life if you weren’t meant to live it. Embrace yourself, stand loud and proud and before you know it this will all be behind you.

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