Woke up to excruciating back and chest pain yesterday morning. I thought I was having a heart attack.

The doctor said it is Costo. He didn’t even ask me to get an ECG or a chest X-ray like he should have. Father’s returning home tonight from a business trip. He doesn’t know yet. We’ll work something out.

It hurts to breathe. My posture is suffering. I can feel myself hunching. It is not good for me but it keeps the chest pain in control. 

Studying is a bitch because my focus is suffering. I have only done 8 “my hours” today. I can push it to 12 maybe but I am struggling to stay awake. The meds are making me groggy.

It is becoming difficult to not blame fate. 

In other news, I realized that my childhood best friend has changed too much. Too fucking much. She was always arrogant and high and mighty. It was easy to overlook and even laugh at it when we were in school. Now I see that she isn’t a very good human being. She is good at pretending to be one though.

Also, a girl from school texted. Her father had passed away in April and I guess she just needed someone to talk to. We used to be close-ish in 7th grade.

It was a humbling experience. It was sad that she had to connect with a long lost friend to be able to talk about her father’s passing away. But I saw how well she had held up. How she’s still pushing herself to achieve the things she wanted to. That’s bravery right there.

Love. So much love. 


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