I wish I could make you all smile.

Iv been feeling so stressed lately between making my mom and dad happy, constantly being there for my brother and also trying to be a good girlfriend but with that being said I cant find the balance between the two. Im so deeply in-love with the man I’m with at the moment, he makes time seem so irrelevant. I spend most nights at his house, I haven’t been home lately other than to gather my things for a new week to pass by. This has been happening for around a month already and I’m actually dating my brothers best friend. It sounds awful but my brother was actually really happy in the sense that he felt I’m in safe hands. My old relationships were awful in every sense, so he was happy to see me be a peace for once.

We’ve been dating since march. As time passed our feelings for each other grew at such a rapid rate. He’s everything I would want in a person. Ive never felt so at home with him. I could write chapters about our weird adventures, laughs, cries, and trips yes both actual trips and psychedelic. I have found myself so in love with this person. He always wants to be with me as well, he’s always going out of his way to see me. I cant help but feel my soul shine now just thinking about it. 

With all this magic going on I seem to find my brother lying in between my thoughts in such an awkward manner. Im always worried about him almost like a mother. I hate leaving him alone, he doesn’t have many friends and I just so happen to be dating his best friend. I’m trying so hard to balance things in my head but I came to notice that I find myself being caught up in my lovers arms and never coming home. I cant help but feel this feeling being natural. Its always so organic with him, never feels forced. 

Where does that leave my 21 year old brother. Im 23 and my boyfriend is 22 but i swear our souls age takes a toll. I want to make everyone happy. I hate that I can feel my sibling judging my relationship. H says he sees me with someone else in the future because he thinks I should have someone who has more of the same soul shine that I have. My soul shine is my personality as you guessed. I’m just tired of feeling awkward at home. I cant help but feel my relationship as my real home. it doesnt feel like im over doing anything from my eyes. Im sure it looks like otherwise towards others, aka family. I wish this didnt bother me so fucking much and everyone had their own lives to e=be in love with.

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