Is it really sad this writing this diary is the only way I can open up even to myself about how I feel? I feel this is the only way I can reflect and deal with some of my anxieties. How am I ever going to manage a relationship if I can’t tell a guy how I am feeling. I can’t talk about things. This is the breakdown in most of my relationships I just back of and run away with out talking things out , well because before it has always ended in anger and shouting. I even find it hard to manage friendships. I always have a guard up. With girls there is so much gossiping, if you tell someone 1 thing before you know it is has spread to about 10 people.