It has been a difficult few weeks – I can’t put my finger on it and it seems neither can anyone else, but we are all feeling it. Last night’s bar shift was unruly at best, but we held it together because that’s what we do. A regular asked me out for drinks this week and as it turned out the only time I could meet him was this evening. It took away time my boyfriend and I usually share and while that was not the best thing in the world according to me, it is good to cultivate other friendships.
When I finally was able to meet up with my boyfriend I was happy to see him. We do impromptu well together and found a small spoken word event happening down the street from my apartment. We enjoyed a song a friend sang and another song from someone new. By the time we got home it was late and we were a little wrung out. But he asked me something good : what was the highlight of your day?
I initially answered that I was happy and grateful for my brain today. I was able to quickly solve a problem using calculated/educated guesses and in my words, took a gamble, and was right. It was great for me and great for the clients at hand. How lucky am I?
Upon deeper thought, I’m more proud of my behavior at the bar. I met my friend and we enjoyed our conversation. I had two drinks and he kept pace with me. He asked for another round and I declined. Beyond wanting to be home and be with my boyfriend, it was just time to go. Another round can turn into two more or three more rounds. Which can turn into a hangover at best and uneasy feelings in my other personal relationships at worst. Not worth it. I was too far from home, as well.
Today felt like taking some strides in leadership. It felt like what my coach had been talking to me about/challenging me to step into – an intimidating role, but one that will stretch me and grow me into something more than I currently am now. It is good enough that I jumped out of bed to write this down and process it a bit more. It is something to be proud of – to set limits and boundaries and keep them. To be strong in what I’m doing and what I’ve decided is best for me. I’m lucky that my friend is respectful. It would have been more difficult if he pushed, but it could mean that he is a really good friend. Let’s hope so, shall we?
My next endeavor is health related. I’m thinking a lot about my heart right now and I think it is time to proactively monitor my health. Heart healthy. Exercise. Diet. Not that it is terrible, but there are things I can do better. For one, smoking has to stop completely. I need to love my heart more than I love my smoke. It is not worth it. Hell, I may even start wearing sunscreen.