Pregnancy can be a stressful time for anyone. Being pregnant with another woman’s Fiancé is a so much more stressful then one can imagine.
S finally came around to the idea of us having a baby. I continued to urge him to tell L, he just couldn’t find the words to tell her. Then one day around my 11th week he sent me a text telling me to expect a call from L as he had told her. I was bombarded with text messages from her, I was so overwhelmed I only responded a simple “yes” when she asked if I was having S’s baby.
S came to my 12 week scan which he proceeded to fall asleep in the middle of watching our little blob flutter around. Lets just say I wasn’t too impressed with him that day! L sent me another text asking me to send her a picture of the 12 week scan. I was so overwhelmed and emotional I text S and told him to tell his Fiancé to leave me alone. S didn’t like this. He told me L was going to be our baby’s mother too and refused to be the middle man between us for the rest of his life. We had a huge argument and didn’t speak for weeks.
It got to my 18th week and at a hospital appointment my midwife sent me through to Emergency due to bleeding. The first thing they give you when you walk into Emergency at 18 weeks pregnant and bleeding is a brochure on late miscarriage. As I sat in the ER waiting to see a doctor just staring at the white walls I wished I had a partner there to support me. I wished S could’ve been the support I needed. I finally saw a doctor and as soon as he put the Doppler on my belly we heard the strong heartbeat of my precious little baby. I had to have an ultrasound the next day where they discovered I had a low lying placenta. I was pretty lucky, it moved far away enough from the cervix within a few short weeks and I was allowed to try for a natural birth.
After our little scare at the hospital S starting getting excited about having our baby. He told me he had bought a pram and a car seat. He even called to see what cot I had as he wanted to get the same one. He even said he had gotten a bed to put in the baby’s room at his house so I could stay there. This is why what happened next stunned me.
On a beautiful Spring day in September, late in my 7th month, I got a text message that would crush my soul. It was my birthday and we were having a little office party. We were just about to cut the cake when I received a text from S. “I cant do this anymore. I’m so sorry”. I was furious. I had given S an “out” right at the beginning and told him if he didn’t want to be involved to walk away and he didn’t, he chose to stay. I replied to his message straight away saying that if that was his choice then that was fine but don’t expect to be able to change your mind in 2 years, or 5 years or 10 years because that’s not fair on me and not fair on our baby. He agreed.
I continued on with the rest of my pregnancy with ease. I was never very big so I never really got to the uncomfortable part of pregnancy. The only thing that would frustrate me was when I developed carpel tunnel syndrome and couldn’t open my door when I needed to get up to pee 5 times through the night!
Even though S had abandoned us and I was scared shitless of having to raise a baby alone, I couldn’t have been more excited waiting for the arrival of our little baby..