CHAPTER SIX: Pregnancy

Pregnancy can be a stressful time for anyone. Being pregnant with another woman’s Fiancé is a so much more stressful then one can imagine.

S finally came around to the idea of us having a baby. I continued to urge him to tell L, he just couldn’t find the words to tell her. Then one day around my 11th week he sent me a text telling me to expect a call from L as he had told her. I was bombarded  with text messages from her, I was so overwhelmed I only responded a simple “yes” when she asked if I was having S’s baby.

S came to my 12 week scan which he proceeded to fall asleep in the middle of watching our little blob flutter around. Lets just say I wasn’t too impressed with him that day! L sent me another text asking me to send her a picture of the 12 week scan. I was so overwhelmed and emotional I text S and told him to tell his Fiancé to leave me alone. S didn’t like this. He told me L was going to be our baby’s mother too and refused to be the middle man between us for the rest of his life. We had a huge argument and didn’t speak for weeks.

It got to my 18th week and at a hospital appointment my midwife sent me through to Emergency due to bleeding. The first thing they give you when you walk into Emergency at 18 weeks pregnant and bleeding is a brochure on late miscarriage. As I sat in the ER waiting to see a doctor just staring at the white walls I wished I had a partner there to support me. I wished S could’ve been the support I needed. I finally saw a doctor and as soon as he put the Doppler on my belly we heard the strong heartbeat of my precious little baby. I had to have an ultrasound the next day where they discovered I had a low lying placenta. I was pretty lucky, it moved far away enough from the cervix within a few short weeks and I was allowed to try for a natural birth.

After our little scare at the hospital S starting getting excited about having our baby. He told me he had bought a pram and a car seat. He even called to see what cot I had as he wanted to get the same one. He even said he had gotten a bed to put in the baby’s room at his house so I could stay there. This is why what happened next stunned me.

On a beautiful Spring day in September, late in my 7th month, I got a text message that would crush my soul. It was my birthday and we were having a little office party. We were just about to cut the cake when I received a text from S. “I cant do this anymore. I’m so sorry”. I was furious. I had given S an “out” right at the beginning and told him if he didn’t want to be involved to walk away and he didn’t, he chose to stay. I replied to his message straight away saying that if that was his choice then that was fine but don’t expect to be able to change your mind in 2 years, or 5 years or 10 years because that’s not fair on me and not fair on our baby. He agreed.

I continued on with the rest of my pregnancy with ease. I was never very big so I never really got to the uncomfortable part of pregnancy. The only thing that would frustrate me was when I developed carpel tunnel syndrome and couldn’t open my door when I needed to get up to pee 5 times through the night!

Even though S had abandoned us and I was scared shitless of having to raise a baby alone, I couldn’t have been more excited waiting for the arrival of our little baby..



One thought on “CHAPTER SIX: Pregnancy”

  1. Do you think it was the pressure of his wife that caused him to run again. I’m sure that wouldn’t have been comfortable for her knowing that he was getting close to you during the pregnancy and possibly closer after the baby was born. I bet she was not happy about that prospect.

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