Honestly, it’s been a rather uneventful couple days. So why am I writing anyway (at 1am, in fact) as if I have information of the utmost importance to unload? Well, that is an excellent question. It’s because, apparently my brain believes that all available cognitive resources absolutely need to be directed to pointless thinky thoughts rather than oh I don’t know actual work, maybe. So yes, prepare for the tyranny of all the thinky thoughts.
Research by certain dead humans claims that happiness leads to success rather than the other way round. It’s something that counsellors never fail to remind you of. “Be happy, grades aren’t that important. It’s enough” Ha bloody ha, Gretchen Wieners was less oblivious. Because there is a problem here. What if I really really wanna be a doctor? What if, I’m too dumb to become one though? If that happens, how is Future-Me going to be happy? Just striving to be happy isn’t enough, sometimes it requires gargantuan amounts of work and it’s scary to think that after all of it, I could still not attain my ideal happy future. See, this thinking- about the honestly unfair number of ways that I could fuck up my life- makes my heart engage in a frantic tap dance. And since it’s my heart doing the tapping, it’s not the suave cool kind. Oh no, it’s when the tap dancer trips on air (Air, thou art a cruel hoe) and ends up a YouTube video so viral that it breaks YouTube (oh bite me gangnam style) (ok sorry don’t kill me psy I’m actually like super nice in person. sometimes.)
Putting aside that milder version of the adverse panic attack I had today, I’m also wondering other things. I mean helloooo my brain can multitask. As long as the tasks are about as important as John’s views on the state of #johnlock (aka not very). wait what. Oh yes the thoughts, so how on God’s currently-dying-not-really-green Earth did Hamilton make me actually like Murica for a second there?!? I mean I’m not saying I’m usually very aware of my own emotions but it seems particularly unexpected that I’ve suddenly developed an avid passion for America’s founding fathers doesn’t it? And of course, the endless eye-rain every time I listen to Satisfied is highly suspicious. Is this my brain’s cry for help? Halp, cognitive function going downhill, expect turbulence in emotions. (ohcrabcakes is it that time of the month again)