It’s funny really. We’ve been apart for almost three months, but your still a part of my life every day. I spend so much time thinking about you, wondering if some day you will talk to me again. I wonder if you’ll forgive me and things will at least be back to us being friends. I miss saying hello to you and making you laugh. Just the little things like that, they’re what I miss the most.
I went out with another guy today. To the zoo, it was fun. Odly enough, he’s one of my best friends, and we have been hanging out a lot this summer. It’s nice to get into a new groove with a new group of people. But even when he and I were having the best moments, I couldn’t help but wonder if it would be better with you instead.
I remembered today, how we would talk about having a family together, how you would kiss my tummy like River was already here, even though we’re only 16 and she won’t be born for years. You would say goodnight to both of us, call us your special girls. I thought about the bedroom we dreamt of, with the big floor to ceiling windows, cuddling together in bed in the morning watching the sun rise above the mountains. You kissing my head as I sip my coffee. Even now that thought is so inviting, its like even though your gone you are still right here next to me.
Are you happy? Do you miss me? I hope things are going well for you. I hope you got that raise you wanted, and that your mum still lets you get the ice waters when you two go grocery shopping. Does she remember that time when I accidentally put rotten eggs into the cake batter? That sure was something.
Tell your family im sorry. Tell yourself that you are sorry for letting me go. Tell me you want another chance. Because the truth is… no matter how hard I try, I can’t shake you off my mind.
I love you Bean.