To anyone reading, you’ll never know me but your reading this means the world to me.
*Disclaimer ** I’ve never done this before and I tend to ramble on about every detail possible.. so in a written form I hope you dont mind getting to know me ha ha.
I’ve been trying for years to do this but I was always trying to find the perfect time. Well, there isn’t one for me. So here goes…
I wish I had an interesting story for today but in reality I barely have those. Today I spent the day with my ex…. yep, its a bit sad when you realize your only friend is your ex. We will often ( usually at least 3 to 4 times a week spend the day together or atleast see each other ) anyway.. we will often spend time on drives or just hanging out. I’ve just come from there and tomorrow is planned, I wish I had more of a life.
Lately I’ve been lonely and I’m not wanting to make this a depressing blog but I do want to put my feelings out there. I’ve wanted the life I used to have, friends and people who would actually start the conversation with me. I haven’t had that for about 5 years and its not easy finding friends when you get out of the school age. A 24 year old girl shouldn’t be so familiar with loneliness.
The friends I did have are there but when you haven’t contacted someone for around 5 years it’s hard. Well for me it is. An important part of me is that I have always had anxiety and depression but it has taken over to the crippling stages in the last 24 months. I cant even walk by myself, it’s ridiculous. People around me get annoyed and I know I’m pushing them away and why I want to show new people that side of me?
My username is Fictional heart. I have the biggest heart and would help whoever needed it, but with that comes a longing for anyone who would see that over the anxiety and depression. I also have always thought of my life as a fictional story, someone else is writing it and because of all the things I long for I wish they would just shut the book.
I’m usually not this sad in my writing and it will get better, I promise. I guess I’m just looking for any opinions or questions, someone new to talk to.
Tomorrow ill have a better story or ill atleast try 🙂
Til next time,