# 1. My username.

To anyone reading, you’ll never know me but your reading this means the world to me. 

*Disclaimer ** I’ve never done this before and I tend to ramble on about every detail possible.. so in a written form I hope you dont mind getting to know me ha ha. 

I’ve been trying for years to do this but I was always trying to find the perfect time. Well, there isn’t one for me. So here goes…

I wish I had an interesting story for today but in reality I barely have those.  Today I spent the day with my ex…. yep, its a bit sad when you realize your only friend is your ex. We will often ( usually at least 3 to 4 times a week spend the day together or atleast see each other ) anyway.. we will often spend time on drives or just hanging out. I’ve just come from there and tomorrow is planned, I wish I had more of a life.

Lately I’ve been lonely and I’m not wanting to make this a depressing blog but I do want to put my feelings out there. I’ve wanted the life I used to have, friends and people who would actually start the conversation with me. I haven’t had that for about 5 years and its not easy finding friends when you get out of the school age. A 24 year old girl shouldn’t be so familiar with loneliness. 

The friends I did have are there but when you haven’t contacted someone for around 5 years it’s hard. Well for me it is. An important part of me is that I have always had anxiety and depression but it has taken over to the crippling stages in the last 24 months. I cant even walk by myself, it’s ridiculous. People around me get annoyed and I know I’m pushing them away and why I want to show new people that side of me? 

My username is Fictional heart. I have the biggest heart and would help whoever needed it, but with that comes a longing for anyone who would see that over the anxiety and depression. I also have always thought of my life as a fictional story, someone else is writing it and because of all the things I long for I wish they would just shut the book. 

I’m usually not this sad in my writing and it will get better, I promise. I guess I’m just looking for any opinions or questions, someone new to talk to. 

Tomorrow ill have a better story or ill atleast try 🙂

Til next time,

FH x 

4 thoughts on “# 1. My username.”

  1. Heya! Firstly, I’d like to say this might get creepy. It’s important to make disclaimers before actually creeping on someone because then they might have the chance to run away (what? Creeps can be nice too xD)

    Secondly, that last analogy about a fictional book truly touched my tiny black heart~ I’ve been through depression too and while it feels different for everyone, I imagine I can still empathise with what you are going through. The thing about that analogy, the reason why I like it so much is this: the book is just starting and there is so much more to go. There might, of course, be worse to come but there is also the bestest of the best waiting at the horizons and I hope you remember that. Also remember these other things:
    1. You are a lovely person.
    2. Emergency dance parties are the coolest.
    3. You have a friend in me #Iamactuallybuzzlightyear
    okie, -creep out-

  2. Aw thank you 🙂 i wasn’t expecting any replys on here and its nice to have them.

    The fictional book analogy is something I’ve carried with me for a long time. I’ll be happy to break free but not before who ever is writing lets me. Its how I’m written out that I worry about…therefore I can’t make promises. But if you hold on long enough there are spontaneous glimmers of greatness…

    People say one day they will meet their maker. One day I’ll meet the bastard that wrote my story :p ( excuse the french)

    Thanks again 🙂

    FH x

  3. I am a writer, too. Sometimes you just have to take your manuscript and shred it, or toss it in the trash, and START OVER. God is writing your life, together with you. He wants you to know Him and trust Him. He wants your life to be GOOD. He rescued me from terrible anxiety and depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. I am so happy now. I am healed. It may take time, but if you invite him into your heart and life, he will shed His beautiful Light and begin to create something new for you. You need a brand new life, dear. I wish you every blessing and happiness in the world.

  4. I have always questioned my faith and I am looking to cover it in more detail in a later blog. Thank you for your insights, the way I have written can be interpreted in more than one way. I do see quite often, that people either follow their beliefs of faith in God or they are polar opposites and never look up. I wanted to share my views.

    Thnks again,

    FH x

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