It’s been several days since I’ve written and last night I was warned it will not be tolerated. I know I am suppose to write every day, so my Master can have a way to keep tabs on my emotional well being. I neglected my writing over the silly Pokemon Go game 😔. I could’ve taken the time to at least write a quick journal entry but instead I chose to play the game. Thankfully Master hasn’t punished me, instead we discussed it and I was given a verbal warning. I was fully expecting a punishment for not obeying him, I’m very grateful he was kind enough to only give me a warning.
My journal eateries aren’t the only thing that has suffered. I haven’t been doing my school stuff either ugh. I’m not horribly behind but I do have quite a lot of things to get caught up on. I’ve been working on it throughout the day so hopefully I will get caught up quickly. I know Master will get after me if I neglect my schooling, he’s already had to give me motivation once to get stuff done. I appreciate him supporting me and wanting to make sure I do what needs to be done, not allowing me to slack off.
I know that after these past few days with me not obeying I got off easy. He will not put up with anymore of me ignoring him or my school stuff. He did order me to insert my rope beads earlier (first time ever doing that). I have to say that I truly do not like them! They are painful going in and coming out ugh. The feeling I have while they are inserted is very uncomfortable, not something I care to do very often. I don’t think him ordering me to use them was a punishment especially considering I’ve never done anything like that before. I believe it was just to test them out, to see how they felt, if I liked them, or if I hated them. Definitely can say I hate them lol. I only had to wear them for 30 minutes but it felt like an eternity. I’m sure his thought process and goal behind having me use them was to cause pleasure but also pain. I definitely got the pain, I’m very sore and tender, ass aching.
I know he always wants me to feel his presence, to feel his ownership, to think about him, want and need him, and for me to have the desire to please him. I can say today he accomplished just that. There is no getting around the feeling the rope beads caused and continue to cause. There no way for me to not know he is the one that caused it, that I pleased him by obeying.
I didn’t realize just how much I missed obeying and pleasing him until he commanded me to use the beads. Even though it was an unpleasant experience my body, mind, and soul was so happy to be obeying. I really enjoy having the feeling of his ownership, the longing and yearning to please him. Even now as my ass is aching my body is calling to him, wanting and needing him.