I was married for 12 years, and I have been divorced for 31 years. I never remarried after my divorce. My ex-husband was not a nice man and that left me a little gun shy when it came to being around other men.
My oldest brother was always telling me that I needed to date and each time he brought up the subject. I would get upset and even start crying. I didn’t want to make that same mistake as I had before, finding a man who used his power and voice to control who I was.
I am human, I do feel lonely at times but not lonely enough to want to ever marry again. I wouldn’t mind finding someone to hang out with, go to the movies and dinner with but I don’t want anyone moving in with me.
I went to the movies today with someone I used to work with. She retired 2 years ago and I retired only 6 months ago. Before and after the movie she talked the entire time about her husband.
She has been married to this man, (her second husband) for over 32 years. He is an alcoholic and he used drugs. She knew that about him when she first started dating him. She was willing to overlook his addictions because she was alone raising her 3 children. This man was willing to marry her and help raise her kids.
Her husband is now 70 and she is 68. The kids are all raised and gone. He was willing to go to AA meetings to help fight his alcohol addiction. So far, as far as she knows he is not drinking.
She told me that for the last 30 years of her marriage she has felt all alone. Her husband would go to work, come home and start drinking. He would go to another room in the house and watch his TV shows and he never even tried to carry on much of a conversation with her.
Now that he is retired he sleeps until noon, sits all day in the living room either reading the newspaper or magazines. He doesn’t even help her with any housework and sometimes he will go out and mow the lawn. If she suggests they go out for the day for a drive he will say yes most of the time, but he has never been the one to ever suggest any outings.
Today I called her to see if she wanted to go to the movie with me. I didn’t know that she was having such problems at home. She is so sad. She wonders why she even has a husband when he just has no drive or ambition to do anything fun.
I think I would rather be alone like I am than to have someone like that in my life who treats me like he treats his wife. This woman has no joy in her life. She has a husband but no partner. He doesn’t even treat her like she is a friend.
She decided that she needs to start making her own plans each day and not worry about him sitting alone in that house. She needs to go out more with friends and enjoy her life.
I am alone but my life is full. I decide each day what I want to do for the day. I might want to call a friend to join me but I don’t need someone to go out with each day. I have friends who tell me they would never go out and eat out alone. I do that all the time. I’m not afraid to sit at a table and eat by myself. I have done that since my divorce. I go to the movies all the time alone. I go shopping alone. I have fun.
After talking to her today I am glad that I am here by myself.