So in my last/first entry I said I’d have a better story ‘tomorrow’ …. well I just had no inspiration what so ever yesterday. Or maybe im just lazy, I don’t know but I need to do this.
Lately as I said previously, I’ve been lonely. I’m scared that I’m starting to accept that I dont have a social life outside of my family and one person. Does anyone else find themselves talking to themselves when alone? I mean really entertaining themselves?
It would have been about a month ago when I was home alone and caught myself being ok with listening to music and talking as if someone was there…. now I definitely do not have any sort of condition related but still… I scared myself.
‘Theres no one here’ I told myself.
The reality of having nobody hit me. To top it off, to make myself feel better I just kept going. I thought that maybe if I had people to be around I wouldn’t do that as much and then I got to thinking what that would be like….
Ok… off the crazy rant.
In my last entry I had a comment, well comments, which I loved! But there was one about following god and that I thought I should address. This topic takes so much energy from me and for anyone who doesn’t like reading religious views in their down time, I hear you!. But just quickly…
The analogy I shared in that entry was a personal one that 98 percent of the time I follow. I don’t religiously follow the bible nor do I completely disbelieve it. In fact when I’m not questioning the pages I fell on today or having the reality of science thrust upon my mind I am 100 percent a believer in a higher power. Thats just it though, my thoughts constantly change but never stray far from believing what I have already shared.
I have other thoughts on that but I don’t know if I’m ready to put that out there yet.
This journal is a way of forcing myself to spend at least 10 minutes a day ( often as that is possible ) putting something bottled up out there. Even if it’s good, I need somewhere to share.
My head and my life are so unbelievably complex and I’m hoping I’ll eventually share more.
Til then, comment/ ask/suggest 🙂