Still unwell

I am tired. It hurts so much. I can’t focus enough to study. At this point, everything seems bleak. 

I’ve caught myself wishing I didn’t exist. I feel so alone. I have a beautiful family and good friends. I know they care. But no one can possibly understand the hell I’m going through. 

Exams are so close and I have so much to do but no strength. I feel like I have no power over my life anymore. 

A mentioned that D wants us all to meet in September. I am wavering between the decision to not show up and rehearsing what I’ll say to him. 

He knows I’m sick. Really sick. A told him. He’s asked about me. Is he really so stubborn that he couldn’t contact me despite knowing what is happening to me. Is he that stubborn? Capable of this magnitude of coldness?

Because, good riddance. 

I hope to feel stronger in my heart tomorrow. So i can study more than today’s measly 75 minutes. 

One thought on “Still unwell”

  1. Hope you feel better. I can relate because sometimes i don’t feel like i have control over my life either but i realize i do. If i keep having faith and support from those who love me, i can overcome the impossible.

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