Silent Victim

I laid down beside you in the bed. It had been the first time in seven years. Apart from that time in 2011 where I was fighting hard against temptation. But this time was different. I knew I could touch you now. It was dark and we were making small conversation. I don’t even remember what we were talking about. My mind was fixated on the kiss. I knew it was coming. You had kept putting your hands on me and leaning on me downstairs on the couch. It was just a matter of time. I never would have imagined being able to get another chance with you again, so before I knew it I had leant in to kiss you. That moment when you kissed me back, I was taken back to year 11 and 12. I reckon I spent the first few minutes of us kissing in shock. I couldn’t believe that there I was kissing you again. And it felt exactly as I remembered it. Your lips were soft and gentle but pressed passionately against mine. I felt myself getting caught up in the moment. My hands were on your face, then running through your hair. I was puling you in closer to me, making sure we were as close as possible. These things just happened naturally. The kissing intensified and before I knew it, things were moving rather fast. I had a quick thought in my head and realised we had never ever really progressed much further than this before. Getting this far was all I ever knew with you – would we know how to take it further? Of course that was easily figured out as we both made it clear where this was heading. You lied on top of me, kissed me some more and then we both know what happened next.

You told me downstairs that you ‘make love’ to a girl rather than just do the deed and I immediately sensed that. I knew in that exact moment why girls fall for you. And I had to try and stop myself for falling victim too. Because I knew too darn well that I enjoyed the intimacy. Again, I felt myself caught up in a moment.

Afterwards I laid there and couldn’t believe that I had finally done this with you after all these years. Not that it was ever about achieving sex with you – but another moment to be with you again. I am glad it happened this way and not seven years ago. And I never thought in my wildest dreams that this would have all been possible for us.

You rolled over and made sure to keep your hand on me. Something I had never really experienced before. I had explained to you that I wasn’t the cuddly kind of sleeper, but there was just something in that one moment that made me change my mind.  Eventually I rolled over too – half asleep I felt you kissing my lips. I tried my hardest to fight the tiredness. At first my lips were hardly moving and were instead just making minimal contact with yours. But something came over me and I wanted to be caught up in that passionate moment with you again.

Though we did not fall asleep at all that night, you kept leaning in to kiss me and its been forever since anyone has done that for me. For those couple of hours it was like nothing was wrong and it was just about us. I couldn’t believe that there I was lying down on my 25th birthday with you. 

 It is these moments that I will hold onto. And now they are just strong memoires I aim to keep close. But my hopes is that there will be another opportunity. I am greedy because I want more moments. I have told myself a number of times that I just wanted just ‘one more’ time with you. But I am sorry, it is a lie. I am one of your silent victims – I want you again.

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