July-21-2016♥♥Romantic Life, Flirtations, and Exes

So quite a bit happened yesterday, well the past week haha. I barely passed my spanish class with a C so i’ll be taking Spanish 3, but i dont necessarily want to so ill need to talk to my counselor when school starts again. Alot of boring things happened also. Last night i stood up till 4:00 a.m. with an acquaintance and we were talking alot while playing gta. It was pretty fun lol and unusual since we hardly talked and when we did, it was because a mutual friend of ours forced us to kinda haha. But yeah, we talked about a bunch of stuff. Some stuff i didnt know about completely. Some stuff was just school stuff. His life basically. Aaannndd he told me about his group which kinda isnt a group anymore…. Annd about my ex ._.) He’s the one that cut all the connection from me soooo idk, i dont really feel weird, but you don’t talk about your exes everyday ya know lol. But yeah, he basically said how he gave up on life eversince we broke up. He got a boyfriend but cheated on him. He got taken back but he cheated, that’s shits terrible. Now he’s going to get homeschooled because he failed all his classes. But yeah, why would he cheat on his bae ;^; I dont know how he still feels, but during the year, i felt as if he had something against me. when i was with my SO other at the time, i could feel his eyes on me/us. Thats what kinda made it awkward between us. Then a while after i started dating this particular male, he blocked me on everything. :/ He was a pretty good friend so i dont know why he was like that. That’s what kinda sucks about dating, if you guys were great friends and had a failed romantic relationship there’s a high chance that you guys wont stay friends. I’m really lucky i stood friends with one of my exes. We were pretty close friends for a year and even went out one time for friendly things(his birthday), atleast thats my POV. But yeah, i had a giant crush on him, and was pretty sure he didn’t feel mutual. He was pretty mean, but  in one of those joking matters. In our second year, we were still great friends, but i didnt confess my feelings to him. I did my best to stay friends, and it was going pretty good. Then i tried to take a forward step and hold his hand. Lol i got rejected everytime, but i didn’t take it harshly, i mean, it hurt a tiny bit, but not enough to make me quit lol. Eventually i just stopped because i didn’t want to drive him away and he started trying to hold my hand in class while we watched a movie. I let him, and it made me wonder. The same thing happened in freshman year but a bit different. We were just flirting just for fun i guess and i eventually caught them feelings. I told him cuz i thought he’d feel the same, but turns out he didnt want a relationship and started dating someone else a few days later. /.- but yeah, i thought it be the same thing, but it wasnt… kinda. My friend got him to ask me out, and it was… well.. an interesting week and a half. I gave it alot of effort and the most i got was a hesitant hand hold. It sucked, i felt he was embarrassed to be with me or something. Theres alot more details to the story, but then i’d have to write my own book lol. But yeah, our breakup wasnt messy, but it fucked with my self-esteem because i really liked this guy. I was more broken then before, it was terrible. My feelings wouldn’t go away, but i couldnt do anything. things stood awkward for a few days, but it cooled down. Around november, my bestfriend and i had a talk afterschool, and turns out my ex never liked me, and only dated me just because, atleast thats what he said. I believed it, and honestly, i was a real jerk about it to him. I didn’t tell him, but every now and then i would sneak in a mean comment. I couldn’t help myself, i was played again by someone i really admired at the time. Later on, i thought he only dated me because he couldn’t get with the other girl he liked. I got over him, and the feelings were gone from my sight so we went back to being friends with no feelings. However, whenever we talked he would always sneak in an apology, for what he’d done, but i didn’t understand the apologies until the very last one, where he explained everything. I kind of blew up on him and released all my rage. I felt a bit bad, but a bit better. I’m surprised our friendship survived all of that drama lol. On my birthday, he gave me color pencils and a sketch book. In the back of the sketch book he wrote me a small letter. The letter shall not be put in here, but he told me that what my friend told me was a lie, and that he actually really liked me. I kind of ignored that sentence for a while and we stayed friends. Later on, we started playing games alot together, and he started talking to me on there. We started messaging and he told me since freshman year he liked me and this other girl. and he couldnt decide. Supposebly no matter who he chose, he would still love the other(which now i think is complete bullshit haha). And he made a big mistake, but i never understood what his mistake was,and i still dont. It caused conflicting feelings, i didnt know how to feel about that, honestly.. Should i feel happy/sad/angry/etc.? I almost fucked up my current relationship because of that. I eventually got everything together and stayed with my current SO. To this day, we’re still friends. Even though we went through alot of shit, whether it was between us or people trying something to get us to fight, we got through it. I don’t know about you, but i see this as a hardcore friendship, haha. I’m surprised we dated, went through hell, and still came out to be real good friends. I never really have done it, but this is a friendship I’d fight for. 

Stay strong homedog,


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