I officially got my first punishment today, and it was not pleasant. I know it was a mild punishment compared to what it could have been. I am still marked and dealing with the pain from it. It will take several days for me to recover, I mark very easily ugh. I know I deserved it for disobeying Master and it will be a strong reminder of what could and will happen again if I disobey.
I know I got off easy since I had to do the punishment to myself, Master even told me if he had done it I would have had welts on my ass as well. It definitely will make me think twice about anything I do in the future, make me seek permission first, to always want to obey. I don’t like being punished, I don’t want to be punished again.
I know I will receive more punishments in the future, not that I will seek them out, absolutely will not ever do that! I am human after all and we all make mistakes, I know Master is kind and will always give the appropriate punishment for the infraction I caused. I just hope I never find out how severe the punishments can be!
He did give me a task to perform within a week and I am nervous as hell about not being able to complete it. It is a difficult task for me, one that is very exposing and daring, one that I would never thought to do in my life. Master already told me if I didn’t do it I would be severely punished which I know he will do. I know him telling me it will be severe is motivation for me to complete the task, and I agree, it is a very good motivational tactic! I just don’t know how I am going to get it done ugh.
I know he is testing me, seeing how well I will obey and how easily I will give up control. I want to obey and want to give him control but at the same time I know it is going to be challenging for me. Things have been going slow and steady but after today I can tell he is ramping up the momentum, pushing me, testing the waters so to speak. I really don’t want to fail, partly out of fear of the punishment but mainly I don’t want to fail him. I want him to be proud of me, cherish me, think of me as his good little sub.
I need and have to please him, every day he is constantly on my mind. I’m always thinking about what he will want from me today, what will he command, will I be able to do it, will I disappoint him, how can I make him happy, how will I please him, turn him on, submit to all his deep dark sexual desires? I want to be everything he desires, the one he turns to for relief of all his stresses and sexual tensions. I want him to want and need me like I want and need him.