A lot of things have gone by, well I can say that all are going great but still I have a confused and worried heart.. Well me and my ex are getting along, he really pushed his limits to do so much effort just to show how he badly wanted me to be back. Well I can’t say that we’re together again, I still want more time to think about it especially when I know that the situation is really, really complicated. He said he can wait. So nothing more about that. I’m worried and confused about my mom. I think she has a separation anxiety and sort of a toxic mother so that’s why I don’t know what to do. She’s a very loving mom, but I can’t say that she’s a supportive one. She don’t want me to be surrounded by any boys, thinking that they’ll steal me from her (so I don’t want to imagine what she will do once she found out that we are getting along again). She always thinks that it’s me and her till the end. Honestly, I wanted to give all the love that I can give to her, I know she’s broken, her heart was broken by my brother. But I can understand my brother, maybe he can’t handle having a toxic mother – toxic in a way wherein she never let her kids grow, she’s overprotective, suspicious, and always say that family should come first. That we should never disobey her because she’s the mother. Well I know that what she says is true, but sometimes, it’s just too much. I’m tired, sometimes I get tired taking good care of her, and once I did something wrong, she’ll blame me and will speak the unnecessary words like I am just some kind of stupid daughter who is not a good provider to them. According to the psychiatrist, I feel so alone, that’s where my depression is coming. She always think of how she feels and what she wanted and neglecting my own feelings. Like she mentioned that she is satisfied right now, like she wanted to be just forever like this (me as single? me as alone?) well it really hurts me so much. I don’t know, I’m really confused on what to do to her. I’m also worried about myself because I know I don’t have all the support that I can get from my parents. I feel bad for feeling like this to my own mother. But I just wish sometimes that she’ll inspired me, to grow – not to always tell her to obey her no matter what because she is always right.