Baby Got Back

So D texted to apologize and he wanted to meet me. He came over the very next day, met my mom and sister, talked for a bit and took me out.

I regret jumping back so quickly. He apologized a lot. And he looked so sad and I just went back to it. Now I feel like maybe I should’ve made him wait just a little more. Not because I needed to think. Just because he needed a dose of uncertainty and vulnerability too.

Truth is, I am not some saint. I still hold it against him. I had the worst 2 weeks of my life. And he wasn’t here. It took him days of tossing around before he could man up and talk. 

But he isn’t man enough. He isn’t the same. He goes off for hours mid conversation. I have tried to convey my needs to him. I told him there is latent anger and I don’t know how to resolve that. But he hasn’t made any sweet gestures or done anything to placate me other than one phone call.

I deserve cookies and surprise visits. I need realness after what happened. This feels like a fucked up little boy whose 90% responses are jokes. I need time. 

I don’t know if telling him I need time off is a good idea at this stage. It’s too delicate.

But I need something. 

P.S. Health still being a bitch.

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