Yesterday he texted me and asked what I wanted to do.

So I called him and told him that I wanted to end our marriage. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. All I kept thinking in my head, “Am I actually saying this? Is this real life? I’m 25 and getting a divorce?” But the moment I said, the moment that I finally accepted it, I knew it was the best decision for me.

Ironically enough, right after I said that, he told me he had signed up for some individual classes for his anger management. I told him that was great, and I encouraged him to go, but that it wasn’t going to change my decision. 4 weeks I waited. During those 4 weeks he sent me horrible texts, making me feel bad about myself, and NOW he wants to try to fix our marriage? I’m sorry… but it’s too late.

He broke my heart and it’s not something that I can easily forgive him for. At least not yet, anyway. He destroyed my trust in the marriage – my hope for our future and for future children – all because he chose to become violent and scare me. He made that decision. I’M not walking away from my marriage. I am walking away from violence.

I am walking toward a brighter future. I feel so much better today.. and while I’m still sad, or have my moments of what feels like depression.. I know it’ll get better.

8 thoughts on “Divorce….”

  1. I wish I had the courage you have to say that to my husband. I’m also in my early 20s but with a child and different scenario. He’s just numb. No feelings. Doesn’t care. In his own little world with his phone texting others girls. But yeah. And I still love him every after all we went through. But I’m glad you’ve taken a firm step forward and you’ve sound like you’ve become much stronger for it! Keep on keeping on!(: wish you the best and enjoy yourself!

  2. SEP.MamiOfOne,

    I’m going to tell you something that people told me I didn’t believe until weeks of therapy. You ARE brave enough. You have every right to be happy, give yourself the chance to see that happiness is there – and it’s right around the corner. You will thank yourself once you take that big step. He is disrespecting you, and in turn, he’s beating away your self confidence by texting other girls. Please be happy!!! <3<3

  3. Thanks Kayla! I knew he was chipping away my self esteem and self worth but I had hope for change. Now I see that I must look like a joke to the other women. That no matter what he does I’m still there. But I decided to stop! And hopefully I don’t get sucked in again. As of now I’m not looking for a relationship. Trying to fix myself up. If I’m not happy how can I make someone else happy. Plus I don’t want to rely on anyone else. So piece by piece I’m going to repair myself to someone better! Thanks for the advice! I’m sure if you can so can I and I love reading and hearing story about women overcoming struggling obstacles of love! Only thing I haven’t let go is I don’t want to screw him over. I’m not that type. People might say screw him he messed with you. But it takes two and I learned that the hard way. I made these choices on my own and I paid for them…now to make better choices for me and my little love!(:

    Can’t wait to read your next journal! Hope it’s about adventure and joyfulness! Take care!(:

  4. I was your age too when I went through this. In the end, everything was better. I got a better job, a better set of friends, got my self esteem back, all because I finally made that choice. Keep your chin up. I hope you have reasons to look forward to your future more soon.

  5. “Ironically enough, right after I said that, he told me he had signed up for some individual classes for his anger management.”

    Don’t be fooled by this. How you described it sounds like a tactic to guilt you. IF he is going to anger management classes why did he wait so long to tell you? I think he’d send you a text the moment he decided to go, not as an afterthought when he hears that you are finished.

    I actually have more to say, but I have an errand to run….

    Good luck!!!

  6. Why aren’t you brave enough, mallylua? I don’t even feel that brave but everyone keeps telling me I am, I’m hoping I can see more of it soon 🙂

    However — as for happiness? Ask me how happy I am! 100x happier than I have been in 6 years of being with that man. Isn’t that what you want, too? Take that first step! It’s sooo hard, but I promise, I PROMISE you’ll feel better soon.

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