July-27-2016♪ Moving out prt.2 and Habits

So today i woke up pretty late today too. Then again, i was up till about five a.m. talking to a new buddy of mine. We started moving out more stuff from our old apartment, so all that’s left is the couches and my dad’s bed. I still don’t know what we’re going to do about my puppy Pebbles… My step mother’s apartment doesnt allow dogs so im still lost on that. I got in another fight with my SO but we made up ig. Relationships are hard, thats probably why we never lasted more than six months. Out of my five relationships(not counting my current one) i only ended it with one, but there was a pretty good reason. He was pretty clingy, not cute clingy, but pretty clingy. Like i understand that we were together and wanted alot of attention and to be together alot, but he took it a bit too far. I was kinda forced to quit the clubs that i really liked for that boy. And he didn’t like alot of my guy friends, so i had to break it off. But anyways, the relationship i have right now is the longest one i’ve had. That’s probably why its getting to feel so complicated, because i never thought it would last longer then six months. How i was raised doesnt really help with anything either. I mean, i could try to change, but the thoughts always return and make me go back to how i was, even if it was for something stupid, the habit stays with me, ya know? For example, the people i know now wouldnt believe me lol, but i use to be a very active kid. I loved sports, being outside, electronics were cool, but i wouldve rather spend my time outside. My grandma would always let me be outside in the backyard by myself when my mother wasnt home, because she was really strict about everything. One day she came home early and i was playing outside. She ran out there, and literally dragged me inside, and well.. not really beat beat me, but haha, it was hardcore. Basically, eversince then, i became an indoors person who prefers electronics and hates the outdoors. My mother was also a very secluded with her feelings. Out of my sixteen years of life, I’ve only seen her cry twice, one was because i was doing a very bad thing lol and the other was because she wanted me to move back with her. She rarely shows emotions and doesnt like to talk about them much, and i think i picked up on that during my life. And well other people taught me that too but lol thats different. There are lots of other dumb little things like me learning to cry silently because back then i would get whooped for making any sound if i cried, or me learning to hate reading aloud because when i did i would get a smack on the mouth for being “obnoxious”. little things like that. Its kind of already too late to change, as my stamina has depleted lots for years of staying indoors, and silent crying. The silent crying is still pretty effective but not completely, sometimes, i think its wailing or whatever, i do that but when im really in pain. And reading aloud, merh, i just don’t like being judged lol. Well i guess das it, not much but merh.

Nite,

Kayden/Kayla

Leave a Reply

SCROLL TO TOP