The last message he sent was “Hey Gorgeous”, and i couldn’t bring myself to reply, not a single word, not even a fucking emoji. Im stuck, i don’t know what i want, i keep telling myself that we are just getting to know each other, nothing more but then he says he loves me? We don’t even have an official title for fucks sake.
Instead of confronting the problem I’ve gone to my old habit of simply avoiding there is a problem, okay i may have pretended that he doesn’t exist anymore, but its only temporary.
Its been 2 days since we last spoke which considering we talked everyday seems like a century has gone past. I guess in this time of absence i want to see if i miss him and what i truly feel for him. And if i don’t have feelings for him anymore then i can think of how to let him down easy. This is the thing though, i have a tendency to block relationships of any kind. If anyone starts to hurt me i immediately eliminate them from my life, I’m great at cutting people out, its almost a talent. Sure I’ve had my turn of grovelling and begging for friendships which only resulted in wasted time and energy, now I’m weaker but wiser. But my wounds haven’t healed and this makes me block out romantic relationships, somewhere in me there is that 5 years of girl dreaming of a fairytale but in this day and age, its like finding a needle in a hay stack and when you do find it you just end up with a prick.
And right now i feel like I’m that Prick.