I just binge watched youtube video on how to make friends when you struggle with anxiety and one really simple video that did not even address social anxiety, just getting people to like you, really dumbed it up for everyone, social anxiety or not, but I believe really relates more with those of us who do. Basically it begins with an exercise:
Take 10 seconds, right now, and think of reasons why people should like you?
If your responses were things like “I am funny”, “I am self accomplished”, or ” I am really smart”, chances are, most people don’t like you.
Here is why: Getting people to like you has absolutely nothing to do with how great YOU are, it has to do with how you make other people feel.
When you’re experiencing that overwhelming anxiety in social situations, it is probably because you are too focused on the “I”, on the “me”, “what is it that I can do to impress them” when really you should just take that pressure off of yourself and put that energy into the person you are actually talking to.
Here are three ways you can do that:
- Ask great questions and actually listen.
If you can get someone talking about something they love, they will love you.
2. Give genuine compliments.
Studies have shown compliments are just as much a social reward as receiving money.
3. Use their first name a lot.
In the first few minutes of meeting someone, use their name at least three times. What this does is build a bond between the two of you that makes the other person feel as if they have known you for a long time.
I hope my notes can help someone else struggling with this issue of making friends when you are dealing with your anxiety, any comments, feedback, or advice that has helped you would be greatly appreciated.