The Truth

I am having a pretty difficult night. I work in a few hours so I know I really need to get some sleep, but at the same time, there is just something haunting me about the past.

The truth is, I LOVED being anorexic. I loved the way it made me feel. I remember how excited I was when I laid down on my side and my thighs didn’t fall into each other with the general flow of gravity. There wasn’t enough fat there. I loved looking at the scale and seeing the pounds drop off one by one. I loved looking at food and knowing that I had won this secret battle. I wasn’t going to eat it. I had conquered it in some sick way. I loved waking up in the morning and feeling the pain in my skin as my hipbones stretched the thin layers to its limit. I miss it. I miss the feeling of not being able to stand up in the shower and knowing that I was winning. I couldn’t do simple algebra anymore, but none of that mattered. 

One thought on “The Truth”

  1. Have you ever been to a Crossfit class?
    I suggest you eat, eat plenty, and eat healthy and then attend a local Crossfit class. Trust me, I was anorexic also and I went from 186lb to 120lbs in 4 months from eating only brown rice. Then guess what? I ballooned up to 200lbs after getting very sick. And then I learned the magical, positive, and healthy world of Crossfit. Dozens of positive people, with the right mental attitude cheering for your to become the best you you can be. The positives: you make new friends, you get FIT and THIN, and most of all you get healthy, and not just physically, or dietary health, but serious mental and emotional health.

    I know, I know, I don’t know you from Adam and I have no idea of what you yourself are going through in your own right. Two people suffering the same ailment are NOT alike, I understand. I just hope that you might consider it, someday. I know it’s what saved me from anorexia, mental and emotional unhealthy mindset, and gave me the slim/slender thin feminine body I wanted.

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