I am hurting so bad today. I have asked Brent to do things at least 3 times this week, and I’ve been rejected every single. time. I don’t know how much more rejection I can take. Today then, there was the tbt picture of our family in Hawaii that his asshole friends made fun of. I deleted it. I have cried and cried. I am in so much pain and I can’t think of a single thing that would comfort me. I have no one to tell, no one to talk to. My therapist is it. I’ve been thinking a lot about killing myself today. Earlier I was ready to do it at that moment after the Facebook issue. I am fighting myself hard to keep going. I hurt so, so much. I have been hurting since December. I have been dreading the next set of holidays since March. If things aren’t any better, I don’t know how I’ll make it. I’ve been trying to think what I could do to give myself some relief. Get drunk? Then I’d just be sick tomorrow, and probably not feel any better now. I have no one to hug me and comfort me. No one. I have no human contact with anyone. I don’t see how I can possibly live like this for 30 more years or so. I am in misery. I have no family, no friends. I have no one to turn to. It sure seems pretty hopeless to me. I know I am depressed. I just don’t see how medicine will help. Medicine cannot change my circumstances. Medicine cannot make Brent give me a chance. I am without hope. I got so nervous this morning waiting to text Brent to ask him about this evening. I knew he would say no, but I did have just a tiny bit of hope that he might not. If he would tell me why he’s rejecting me, I might be able to let it go just a little, but as of now, I just can’t. I don’t understand why he won’t give me a chance. Why? I didn’t do any terrible, unforgivable thing. I know a lot of people that did do horrible, horrible things, but are still with their husbands. It’s so unfair. I can’t believe he won’t do it for our son. I can’t believe that for our son’s sake, he won’t take a chance. I am fighting, fighting, fighting. I just am unsure how much longer I can do this.