Beyond Dazed and Confused

So I’ll start from the beginning and make it short. Im a west coast baby, moved east coast for a job. Was fine on my own, knew no on out there other than the people from my training class that were shipped out there as well. About a year into the job I randomly meet a guy, and from that first weekend we were inseparable. (No, I’m not saying a drunk hook up and all weekender) I mean well it was 3 days straight of hanging out together, still no hooking up, but we just clicked and it felt so right. About 3 weeks later we became official and had been steady for a year. Around 7 months I left my roommate and moved in with him, he suggested it here and there and so I finally did it.  Closer to a year we both flew back west coast (both west coast babies) and spent a week with each of our families together. Both had talked about a future and planned for one. Thing is he is military, and well getting ready to be sent overseas I was going to go home and finish my second degree while he was there and meet up after. About two months ago found out they no longer need him there and will be sending him back to the Northwest (I’m from the Southwest). So both of us are excited we will both still be in the same country and same time zone now, so lets do this long distance for the remainder of my school.

      So the time comes and I’m driving back across America to the West. I have to be back for school stuff, he’s got 3 more weeks at that base before he can start his drive. Everything is good, checks on me the whole way home calls and texts normal. But then his apartment lease is up and he has to move in with friends on base, who well are married and for some reason the wife hasn’t liked me from the beginning. Anyway as soon as he moves in there, becomes indifferent. Doesn’t talk to me the same, or acts like me talking to him is the biggest nuisance. Which starts leaving me confused. Why until I got home and you moved in there was everything okay, and the future still being talked about. But as soon as you get there I’m bothersome. So of course at this time my girl gut feeling, and if you’re a women you know what I’m saying is going off. Give him a couple days of readjusting to living there because he is not happy about being there and he goes back to normal talking with me. But then random annoyed messages. So of course by now my defense mechanism is to start shutting off my emotions because I can feel something is going on. But yet you are asking how I’m doing, how school went, and telling me you love me still. Up until this morning. You don’t text me good morning like you usually do, and I don’t expect because well now its been a year, sometimes I will text first. So, I do. All I say is, “Good morning babe. Hope you have a good day.” Hour later I get a text saying, “I think we need to talk.” At this point I know you think I’m in school but with the time difference, I’m still on my way. Hasn’t started yet. So I tell you to call me and you say no wait till after school. I’m sorry but anyone who hears those words, “We need to talk,” will want to talk then instead of worrying all day. So I called, and what comes out of your mouth? ” I think we should see other people.” Where is this coming from? Whats going on? Have you really been putting on that  good of a show? Who takes someone they don’t want to be with to look at rings and get sized. I’m lost, and well confused. When I left you cried like I’ve never seen you cry before, like nonstop. Then while you are breaking it off you are crying as well. I’m beyond confused. If this is what you wanted why are you crying? I feel as if you are over a relationship and to the point of not wanting it anymore you wouldn’t be crying. Am I wrong to think that? Is this normal, just to love me one day and the next kick me to the curb. I don’t understand. You say the distance will make it inevitable in the long run that we break up, but you haven’t even tried. You say we both will be super busy, so you know what I’m doing. I’m going to be living and breathing school. You say that we both are going to be in our heads worrying about each other. But yet, you don’t try.

This is where I’m confused and hurt, am I not good enough to try? If you ask anyone I know I am an old fashioned girl. If I’m with you, its only you. I don’t have guy friends, nor do I talk to anyone. You are my priority. Maybe thats my downfall at the same time, I always love and love hard. I put others before myself. Just like I stayed longer on the East coast to the last possible minute I could to be with him, and now I feel like a fool.

I don’t understand. Maybe I never will. I’ve never been so connected with someone, that everyone around us could tell and always commented. I just don’t get it. It’s been a day I haven’t called or texted. But dam, how I wish I could get answers.

Leave a Reply