Confused, Scared, and Afraid

Hello. Last night was a very.. interesting night. This is the very first time when my fiancé put his hands on me. Well, it’s happened twice before but last night would have to be the worst. Now I have never been through such a thing, but I am putting research into this.

The first time we had a little argument and he grabbed me and dragged me over the bed frame, which hurt my back. He apologised and I forgave him. Second time we had another  little argument dealing with our new kitten, and he dragged me off the sofa and locked me into the second bedroom until I was calm. But that one was kind of my fault because I did raise my voice a couple of times. And this time  he was just angry. Let me get into detail.

We came back from a movie night and decided to do a little gaming. He usually does get mad over the game but he was really upset during each game we played. I kept telling him to calm down and to just stop talking like that because it was really agitating me. So I told him that I’m getting off and laying down. He played for a couple of more minutes and turned it off and came into the room. He pulled the covers off of me and I asked why did you do that? He didn’t say anything so I just really didn’t want to start anything right now because it was late and I was tired.

So I was quiet and trying to sleep and he got up and was going to sleep on the couch. I got up, turned the bedroom light on and asked “Why are you sleeping on the couch? I cant sleep alone, just come lay down”. he said no because I was giving him attitude and to turn the light off. He was threatening me saying that he won’t sleep with me for a month if I didn’t turn the light off, and to fly back home because I was wasting his money by having the light on..?

That went on for a couple of minutes and he said some hurtful things so I told him that I’m going to message my family to buy a plane ticket and take me home. He sais he didn’t care but then I heard him get up, and he pushed me and tried to take my phone and yelled “turn the f*cking light off!”

As he went back to the couch he turned the light off and unplugged the internet, and I was a little freaked out and scared. But I got up and went to turn the wifi back on, crying as I did it. He got up and said “I’m not going to let you use all my data either” and picked me up and threw me on the couch which led to hitting my head.

When he moved away a little I grabbed his phone and tried running to the bathroom but he followed me and pushed the door open. I told him to stop and to just leave me a lone but he grabbed my face and held my mouth closed pretty manly. As he was doing this he moved me to the bedroom and let go. I said give me my phone or I’ll scream, he didn’t like that answer so he covered my mouth again and held me forcibly to the bed and said so angrily, “listen to me very closely, you are not going to wake anyone up, there were cops here and that’s not going to happen again.”

Now. This was a very scary experience for me because I have never been through something like this. He has had a rough past and he was abused in his last relationship, so I don’t know what to do really.

Everything calmed down later and he told me that he loves me and that I’m his angel. That he would never hurt me. I asked if something like this may happen again and he said yes. I asked if it would get worse to where he would actually hit me, and he said no, Ill never hurt you.

I love him, I really do. I’m not really scared for my life anymore. He is a great guy, he’s just so different whenever he is angry. I just now know not to push his buttons or anything. I’ll make sure that he blows off his steam easily somehow without both of us getting hurt. I prayed about this and I’m calm.  

7 thoughts on “Confused, Scared, and Afraid”

  1. I know all too well what this is like. My husband did not start getting physical with me until 6 months after we got married, then it escalated from there. He would hurt me then be sorry, then buy me gifts to show how sorry he was. He was not only physically abusive but also verbally abusive.
    I never told anyone, no family or friends that this was going on in my marriage. I was married 11 years and had a 1 year old son when I finally confessed to my family that he was abusive.
    It doesn’t get better, it escalates. Please don’t do what I did, don’t keep silent, tell your family. It is never your fault. Don’t ever think that anything you say or do is causing him to lash out, he is doing it because he if flawed, not you. Please discuss this with your family before you ever get married.

  2. Just remember if someone loves you they wouldn’t hurt you in any way. They would lay a hand on you physically. Love is kind not abusive.

  3. My ex-husband knew what buttons to push with me in order to get me mad. He admitted to the psychologist that he did anything he could to push me into getting angry so he had an excuse to lash out. I lived too long walking on egg shells always worried about keeping him calm, making sure he didn’t get mad. It was not my job to keep him calm, he needed to do that for himself. His 4 other wives after me found out it wasn’t their job either.

  4. I don’t know a whole lot about this kind of situation, but hearing multiple stories about things like this, I think you shouldn’t be marrying someone that is going to get physical with you. That’s just me, but I could be wrong too. Your safety is way more important than having this man as your husband. You will find someone that will make you happy again.

  5. The first two incidents that happened were abuse. Period. The third one was escalated and the next one will be too. He admits that this may happen again? Run. Please, go home and don’t go back. He says he will never hurt you, but he already has. Obviously he thinks physical force and intimidation are acceptable ways to handle an issue. Nothing you did or said warranted his behavior here.

  6. Do go home and be safe. Marriage to an abusive man must be like walking on eggshells every step of your life. No joy. And divorce is terrible, too. Please get out while you can. If you are afraid to leave, that is just a sign that it is urgent for you TO leave, right away. Blessings to you, dear girl.

  7. Honey, please get out of there. He will make you feel like it is your fault. He will make you feel confused by showering you with attention and apologies. He may be a good guy at heart but his anger is out of control and he appears to want you to just except that. He wants to control you and will get angry like that more and more. Get out now. Don’t think just do.

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