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Timing & the truth

The timing is always off when you have have to be honest, and its never a good time, if its friday, you think you’ll ruin their weekend and if its monday it ruins the whole week. But i finally summoned the courage.
Talking about my feelings has always been one of my weaknesses, in the past I had been burned and now i take refuge in my castle which has walls bigger than the Great Wall of china. Even when i “vent” to my friends i never tell them how i truly feel, because i don’t trust anyone, i don’t even let my mum know how i completely feel, its a habit that now is unbreakable.  But he somehow climbed over my walls. The day went from an all time high to the lowest of lows, he had some family issues and he was not happy at all. For a long time i hadn’t been a true friend, just the other day my friend called me at 6:45 in the morning and instead of taking her call i went to sleep, this is how selfish and alone I’ve become but last night i listened to him talk about his problems and i was a deer in headlights, i didn’t know what to say or how to comfort him especially over the phone, i usually just hug people when they’re sad but even then I’m awkward as fuck. But hearing him being so honest and vulnerable made me comfortable enough to let him know what was going on in my head. I told him why we hadn’t talk for a week and it was simple i was scared shitless, i mean we act like a couple but have no title and i already lived that with Lucifer and i promised myself i am never going back there, but he said everything i wanted to hear and more but my stupid head is overthinking again. is he just saying that because its the way he actually feels or just to keep me around? Im so over my stupid head at least when i take my pills i don’t have to think about it as often.

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