A little better

I’m not as bad as yesterday. I haven’t cried today. I decided to try the lithium that my doctor suggested. Maybe it will help me. What confuses me about the meds is that I don’t see how they can make me not sad when the circumstances are still the same. I have been this low almost constantly since December. Honestly, I barely remember January and February I was so depressed. I do remember at one point coming out of it for a day or so. I remember thinking, “Oh my god, I was going to kill myself. I can’t believe I was in a state of mind where that seemed reasonable.” I remember that, but I don’t feel like that, anymore. I just glimpsed at it for a moment. But at least I know it’s there. Right now, suicide seems perfectly reasonable. I mean, I’m not going to do that today, but it doesn’t seem unreasonable as an option. 

I feel like I’m making just a tiny bit of progress with Brent. I hugged him when we left him. He let me. I think maybe he doesn’t want me to touch him because he is trying to not have any feelings for me. All I can do is keep plugging. I will hold on like a pitt bull. There are not other options at this point.

2 thoughts on “A little better”

  1. The meds will help…circumstances may not change but u may be able to change the way that u see them. I truly hope that u find a way to care about urself and make urself the priority.

  2. Just keep doing what your doctor tells you to do. The doctor may try one, two or even three different medications to see what is best for you. It takes time to feel better. My brother was feeling just like you 12 years ago. He was so bad he walked out of his job, not once but twice, the second time was final. It took him a little time to get adjusted to the medications and then all of a sudden he was feeling happy again and ready to enjoy life. Just hang in there and remember someone will listen to you. Someone will hear you and respond.

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