Sexual tension

Let’s talk about something that has been on my mind a lot lately. Let’s talk about sex.

I know most people would sit here and tell me to just keep my thoughts and everything in my head but I’m a writer. I write to relieve stress, anxiety, and anything that has been taking up my thoughts more than anything else. First let me begin with my age. I’m a 16 (I turn 17 on the 24th) year old boy. Boom, I will be that the first thought that popped in your head was “ah, he’s just another horny teenage guy”. I don’t think I am in all honesty. I’m not… but maybe I am and I try to not consider myself as horny. I don’t want to be characterized by a four letter word that means I have a drive for sex. I don’t think I necessarily want sex in all honesty. Maybe I don’t want anything. I’m not usually like this in all honesty and I know for a fact that nobody expects me to think like this. Everybody’s mindset bout me is I have never done anything with a girl or I don’t even want anything with a girl. I thought that also but I was wrong. You see, my religion stops me from doing these things and don’t get me wrong, It’s a good thing that I know not to do these things. But I do believe that if wasn’t a Christian then I would not be a virgin, like I would have lost my virginity a long time ago. I don’t want to have sex but I want the feelings that come from sex, if that makes any sense. It’s almost scary how easy it is to have sex as a teenage guy now a days. I can literally have sex tonight if I chose to do so. I receive messages every single month from some girl wanting to have sex. Last month didn’t even sugarcoat anything she literally said straight up “let’s f*ck”. Of course I blocked the girl. I didn’t think twice about blocking her. It was kind of weird because I got the message while I was working for my church one Sunday.

So yea, I think I just summed it up in one of those sentences. I don’t want to have sex but I want the sensation that you get from sex. I’m only 16 so it’s probably just my hormones. I know it will be a good bit of time before I have sex because I don’t plan on having sex until marriage and I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon. I have been praying about this for over a year and at one point in time I didn’t have any trouble with it at all and that made me happy. But now it’s summer and going to parties with drunken teenagers where the sexual tension is high has brought me back to my old state of mind. You might just think “well don’t go to parties” but sadly even girls at my church on Sundays can tempt you. Hopefully when school starts I will be too busy with a job and school and sports that I won’t even think about sex.

Sorry if this disturbs anyone. Like I said before, I have been on this website for a long time and writing has become a thing to relieve so much tension from my body. It’s like I’m telling someone my problems without actually telling someone my problems. I love when people give me feedback and I also enjoy just having a journal with no comments. Both make me equally happy.

Well, that is about all for today. I will keep yall updated as I continue with my journey through life.

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