I haven’t written in my online journal for a long time but this entry is going online.
I wasn’t going to write today either but today that feeling
came back this feeling that is mixture of many and I can’t
explain it. This feeling of uneasyness.
Maybe it is because I gave my word to Dr Tauqeer that I would
be making educational videos with him but I can’t find the time nor the
will. I’m hesitent and that is because he is my boss at the
place I work. No matter how much he says that we will work as partner I
just can’t see it that way.
Maybe it is because Hamza the boy in 7th grade isn’t showing
progress at his studies even though I’ve been teaching him for
the past 2 months. Although his sister who is in 6th grade is
showing much progress.
Maybe it is because I just watched One Piece and I just started
feeling, the feeling, after Straw Hats burned down the World Government
flag to declare war against them just so they would be as Wanted as
Nico Robin was.
Maybe it is because I just started tuturing 3 boys today who haven’t
been tought well in the past and it makes me feel uneasy to see that
institutes and tutors instead of teaching what they should just make
money, and don’t do the real teaching.
Maybe because I didn’t wanted to teach them in the first place.
Maybe because I’m afraid that I won’t be able to teach them properly
Maybe because I’m affraid that my grandfather’s story would remain untold.
I wanted to record his story but time keeps slipping by.
Maybe because my friends are going to come to my home tomorrow and I just
feel uneassy because they may be expecting much, like the last time, but this
time things are different I don’t have the means.
Maybe because I can’t even buy something that one of my sibling needs most.
Even though I work hard it’s not enough I need to work harder.
While wirting this entry I am listening to the recitation and translation of
Holy Quran and it was soothing. I feel at ease.