This is entirely your fault. This is your own doing.
You’re drowning yourself from the swarming thoughts running inside your head. You always second-guess his non-motive actions which feed you hope and keeps your eyes open at night. He doesn’t have to do anything if you’re breaking inside because he doesn’t care. (Well, maybe a bit. A bit as a friend.) You put yourself into misery for assuming every detail of memory you had with him which he couldn’t even remember. You value him more than you value yourself, and that’s where you’re wrong. You give your all to make him happy when you can’t even give it to yourself. Don’t blame him just because you can’t be with him, blame yourself for creating your own torture cell. I’m not degrading you from your mistakes, I’m stating all the stupid facts you did for someone you don’t deserve. Because even though you gave the half of your heart to someone who doesn’t like you back, you deserve so much more.
Honey, you deserve to be needed like a human needs air. You deserve someone who only thinks of you at night and greets you first in the morning. You deserve to be treated right like you treat him as a fragile thing. You deserve to have someone who listens your 3 am thoughts on the rooftop and have long talks about everything even the universe. You deserve to be quirky around with someone you love and not be weirded out. You deserve to be written not only for a paragraph but hundreds of pages.
Because honey, you deserve to be loved in return.
You deserve to have these, so stop being so miserable. You gotta face the truth that there will never be a ‘we’ between the both of you. Stop exhausting yourself by encrypting happiness and accept the situation. Let yourself go from chains that hold you down. Exhale the unworthiness and inhale the burgeoning change. You messed up your life once, now you gotta fix it on your own. Stop making excuses and start being worthy. Because once you stopped fooling yourself, you earn to be someone’s priority.
Be kinder to yourself. 🙂