Do you hate me?

Do yall ever have those moments when someone follows you out of complete nowhere and you realize that the person who followed you made your life a complete crap before you completely shut them out? Let me tell you about it.

I’m currently 16 (turning 17 in less than 2 weeks) and I’m happy with life. My past sucked in all honesty because I wasn’t who I wanted to be and I wasn’t who I am today. I was always that weird and ugly kid that got in trouble. Well there was this girl and for now let’s name her Sky. Sky was my very first kiss but if we’re being honest with each other it wasn’t a legit kiss. It happened when we were in preschool, we both snuck under a desk and the desks had those thin sheets on them so for the moment being we were hidden. For some reason we kissed and the teacher instantly noticed we were gone so she looked under the table and we had to come out. Now forward 6/7 years later and we go to the same middle school. Like I said before, I was basically hated by all and I was ugly and weird and nobody liked me at all. Do you get the picture? Well in middle school I would every so often see her and whenever I would see her she would always make these disgusting faces at me and have these rude remarks towards me and I never really understood why she was like that but I accepted it and moved on. Now let’s skip to 7th grade. I remember this memory like it was nothing because that morning I was sitting in the gym kind of alone but I tried to sit near the cool kids because I didn’t want to be looked down upon (even though every single one of them hated me and so did the rest of the school). So Sky was there and she was passing out gum to all her friends and I was about 2 rows up and I simply asked her for a piece of gum. The next part of the story will forever be stained into my memory about her. She turned her head, looked me dead in the eyes and with the most arrogant remark I have ever heard said “no!” Then she turns her head again and continues to pass out gum. That little action doesn’t seem like anything but you needed to be there to understand. Now I’m a junior in high school and I’m doing much better for myself. All the people that once disliked me are now my fake friends. I’m not as ugly (don’t get me wrong I’m still ugly but just not as ugly) and I’ve made hundreds of new friends. Some even are located around the world which is an amazing thing in all honesty. So in all honesty I’m doing pretty well for myself compared to my past self.

I guess the reason I wrote this is just to explain that in this world, no matter how badly you think your life is now, there will be better times. It will not be the same in 10 years than it is now I promise you. I mean look at me for example.

This next part is kind of just for me but I need a place to remember it. While I was writing this I was thinking kind of deep like I usually do when I write. I mentioned that I was hated by all when I was younger and pretty much up until the beginning of my sophomore year. The thing about me is when people look at me weirdly or something or say something that I think is rude, I tend to think they hate me. I get very self-conscious about it because I know what it feels like to be hated by many. I always tend to ask people if they hate me and their answer is always “no, of course not!” I literally just  realized that the reason I tend to think that people hate me is because I’m so used to people hating me that it’s not really a surprise so I have to check and see if they really do hate me just to make sure I’m not delusional. I think some people reading this may think I’m just trying to get attention but that is not my intent at all. I’m just explaining my thoughts and the way I process my thoughts and feelings.

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