Spiritual? or Blind and Ignorant?

It is funny how your mind can convince you so well that someone is perfect for you and that youse are meant to be. But if I am wrong about this all, or we never get the timing right – I hope I go on to find someone just like you. Someone who knows how to say the right things, who can have a very deep intelligent conversation, who can also be super humorous, someone determined and someone who can show compassion. I know these qualities seem pretty straight forward and a vast majority of people can possess them – but there really is something about you that makes them special. I don’t know why that is or how I would even try and explain it, but all I know is that the way I feel about you is quite unreal. And though I just mentioned that I hope that if this is not meant to be, I hope I can wonder upon someone else with these qualities – I think it comes more down being able to find someone who makes me feel the way you make me feel. That is when I will know someone is special to me. It makes me wonder – can you ever have the same feelings for different people? Or is there a unique connection that we share with people individually? If that is the case, at this point in my life, I struggle to think of it as possible to feel anything better with anybody else.

 I keep telling myself that when the timing is right, maybe all of this will fall into place – not to sound cheesy, but almost like its meant to be or something. It is like some spiritual feeling inside me keeps me hopeful and makes this all feel so right. But I keep going back and fourth between my heart and my head trying to ask myself if I am in fact very intuitive about the situation or this is just a strong infatuation I have with you where I am ultimately lying to myself. Guess that is why they say love is blind and ignorance is bliss. And in that respect I am very blind and very ignorant right now. I always tell myself that the worst person to lie to is yourself. But I want to believe these gut feelings so bad. I really want to believe that I am in tuned with not only my emotions – but yours too because that would really prove some ultimate connection that exists within us.

The last few weeks I had been feeling like I had screwed things up and that nothing more was to happen. But now I am good. I am not stressed about you. I feel exactly as I have about you for the past 7 years. That nothing is ruined. And I want to keep it that way. I feel like all in good time we will see each other again. I remember you telling me that I am someone you will always want in your life. And I believe that. I believe that is how things will always be too. I know infatuation tends to make you believe that someone is perfect and that one person could never hurt you – and I am so buying into that. I just can’t seem to imagine you hurting me. I can imagine you and I will somehow always be in touch. Maybe it won’t be exactly how I want it – where you and I are always together. But I have a feeling that as long as you and I both are walking the earth, we will always be close – even if it is not physically close, but emotionally.

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