I find that I’m really starting to lose my will to care. Well.. we are, rather. Brought to my attention time and time again that people only talk to us when they can benefit from the interaction. When it doesn’t suit them, they move on until they’ve devoured all resources and find us useful to them, again. Being bored and coming around to chit chat with us because they’re lonely.. won’t cut it. I used to bide my time, waste my time on these people because I thought that if I was available for them, they would like me more. I realize that not everyone is going to like me.. like us. I need to be alright with this, whereas the others here in my head, are fine with the idea of being disliked. Being liked doesn’t necessarily always equate to loyalty and in most cases, that loyalty dwindles and strays quickly. I used to liked making friends and some people often said that I should branch out an make more, but the more I witness/observe, the more I prefer to be alone. Alone is difficult at times.. more than others, but there’s a solace in knowing that you will be the one taking care of yourself the way that only you know how. No one can learn what it is that you d o for yourself, but they can do so to the best of their ability. I am fine with no longer being friends with people who display toxic behavior.. as most of the friends I’ve had.. do. If these people in my head are all that I have left, I suppose that is what it will be for however long it will be. I am tired.. so very tired of putting on a smile for those that do not give a shit about us.. I think it is time that we stop giving a shit about them.
I am still working to understand who I am and how I am. The journey is long and wretched and though there's been some insight, I've still more expanses to travel. You'll probably never know a real glimpse into my life, but that is because that is what I choose. I tell the truth, but a lot remains hidden. I honestly don't trust enough, but I dream a lot and I think a lot.