Weighted shoulders

Number 2.

Tonight I’m thinking about family. My dad in particular.

He’s got 4 kids (including me), a shit girlfriend and he put himself out in the middle of nowhere… I don’t live with him, but I have been trying to visit when I can. Anyways, he’s very ill, and not the Beastie Boys kind of ill. I won’t say what he’s got, but his time is limited and the man doesn’t want to die alone… His shit girlfriend? Oh, shes in rehab right now.

Let’s talk about her. She’s selfish and she uses my dad for everything he’s got. I have so many stories about her, let’s just say they have been together for a decade. First and alcoholic, then opiates, now canned air because she can’t keep a job.

Man. The first time I witnessed her huffing… I’m texting girl on the couch in the opposite room. I can see her, it’s dark, but the t.v. is on. She puts a pillow up to her face and then I hear “pssuuurrttttt” clear as day. Freaked me out. She starts moaning, spills her coffee all over the couch and passes out.

I pulled my dad to the side and mentioned it to him. The only thing he said was “it’ll all be over soon.” what does that even mean? She didn’t even get put into rehab till about a year later.

So, I honestly did not know what to do after that. But anyways, she will do anything for a high, to escape. Disgusting.

I feel bad for my dad. I feel like he feels trapped or something. He probably thinks thats the best he can do. I don’t know.

He wants me to come back, to live with him, because he is alone. He was happier when I stayed, his oldest daughter doesn’t give a fuck, neither does his older son and the youngest is literally 1000 miles away. I’m pretty much all he’s got. He calls me his golden boy. I’m nothing special though. I’m afraid I’ll just be a let down.



You know I always think my actions are justified. But the more I reflect, I can see my mistakes. Mistakes are important. Learn from them. Make damn sure they don’t happen again.

I’m tired. G’night.


One thought on “Weighted shoulders”

  1. You know I think your pretty special, I mean look at yourself, You actually care about your dad, I mean your sisters and brothers sure seem like they don’t. Your thinking about yourself and your father at the same time. When he said “it’ll all be over soon” he probably mean’t that things we’ll be looking up soon and you’ll have a happier life, without these crazy people. I’ve never been in your position so i wouldn’t completely know but I think that’s what he mean’t. And you are his life right now you would never be a let down, he loves you doesn’t he? Just think positive and help him, hes your only father right? The only one and hes got a limited time to live, So make the most of his time left and.. be there for him. You’ll never let him down, if you know you love him.

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