Journal Entry #22 (I am insane)

Everyone seems to annoy me. I don’t know why. Why am I so angry at people all the time? Urghgggg people piss me off a lot. That question was pointless. I know why. The answer is etched somewhere in my mind. But it’s out of grasp and I can only see glimpses of it.

I hate everyone. I love everyone. I am a living oxymoron.

I have a lot of friends but I still feel alone. Plus they’re all online friends. That’s sad. I’m happy. I thought I was. Maybe for a while. So why am I so frustrated? Once again, pointless question. I know the answer. But I can’t say. I won’t say. I’ll just stay quiet like I usually do. Always invisible, always ignored.

Are my problems insignificant now? You all complain a lot and I never do and maybe it’s on purpose just so I can say I don’t but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t and you do. It’s not fair. Everyday it’s like this and now do you see what’s happened to me this is what happens when someone’s brain is slowly mentally beaten with the effects of stress and burden of all your real life problems other bad things that you all cause but I can’t say that now can I because you will get angry and we’ll be back at square one. I hide behind a mask. It’s all a facade. They think I’m okay but I’m not. You think I’m okay but it’s all a lie. I don’t want to burden you so I will just stay quiet as usual.

Hehe I just realized something that I’ve known for a long time

I am insane yes you heard it here folks I am insane

Is it true that if you say that you’re insane that you aren’t kinda like self-diagnosing if so then I am not insane mostly cause I want to be but can’t who knows maybe I am like this on purpose desparate for attention maybe that is my problem maybe that’s like I’m writing like this in annoying run-off sentences that have most likely given you all headaches haha

Geez what is wrong with me? I’ve always known I was different but am I just another serial killer in the making? Is this how it starts? If so then you are reading my slow and painful descent into madness.

Buckle up. It’s going to be a glorious ride.

There’s no rest for the insane, so I’ve gotta go.

You can’t see it, but I’m smiling. For the first time in a long time.

2 thoughts on “Journal Entry #22 (I am insane)”

  1. I kinda understand the first part lol. I hate being around people. I get annoyed quick. But I’m very friendly and social though. Lol. So it’s like what?! I prefer to be alone majority of the time. The only person I don’t mind being around me is my baby.

    And I put up a front when I’m around people. I pretend like everything is fine and I’m all smiles but deep down in drowning in my own tears from everything that’s happening to me. But I try to stay afloat. Can’t worry about myself when I have someone I have to look out for!(:

    I hope you keep writing and letting it all out there so you can breathe calmly and smile more!(:

  2. Sorry, this is the most incoherent rant I’ve ever had XD And Yes, that is exactly how I feel most of the time!

    Thank you, I definently will! I hope you and your baby have a very nice day 🙂

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