When it don’t feel right anymore….

Ever get that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? That feeling when your body tells you that this is serious. It feels like the walls are caving in, time slows down, and you’re fighting to stay afloat, but no matter what you do, the feeling won’t subside.

It happened again last night. History repeats itself. A nothing comment, a passing conversation, and she’s at me again, relentlessly attacking me with her words, making it about her; “you don’t care about me” “you’re a liar” and then the words that pain me, even though i’ve heard them a thousand times before “I want a divorce”.

Like a knife through hot butter, it cuts quick and deep. It hurts. 

I stumble, I stutter, I shout, I cry. Relentlessly, ruthlessly, she attacks again and again; “You’re not even a Christian” “I’m going to meet another husband”. No time to waste.  

Is this what marriage was all about?  I can’t tell anyone – i’m too embarrassed. Embarrassed that they were all right when they said “she’s not right for you”. They knew. But they let me make my own choice. They let me live my life.  

She’s calmer today. But I have to go to church now. I agreed to it – but what for. As much as I wish this will have a happy ending, there is no fairy tale ending. Not for my life story.



2 thoughts on “When it don’t feel right anymore….”

  1. my advice to you would be to follow your heart, but if you are this depressed and you aren’t happy with the way your marriage has turned out and you have tried to fix things then I would suggest to get a divorce like she asked because sooner or later one or both of you will get hurt and it already sounds like you are both unhappy with where your marriage is as of late. I sincerely hope everything turns out for you.

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