Hatred and Wishes

I hate my life. I hate living in this world. All that’s here is hatred, sadness, regret, etc.

I hate how poor my family is.

I hate when I have to go hungry or thirsty because we don’t have enough money for necessities.

I hate how I can’t point to something and say “Can I have this” without hearing the usual reply “No, I don’t have the money” or “Do you have the money for it?”

I hate how I can see everything I’ve ever wanted, but can’t have it because it’s separated from me through a glass door, and only money can open that barrier.

I hate how much my siblings and I hurt our mother because she’s trying to care for us among her other countless responsibilities, and we only make it worse for her.

I hate my nausea.

I hate going to school.

I hate having slow internet.

I hate having to wait years before I can get the hottest game, which at that point has become old.

I hate how I can’t enjoy my favorite foods because we have to buy the cheapest things.

I hate how we can’t ever go out to eat because we don’t have enough money.

I hate my father.

I hate my mother’s boyfriend.

I hate how corrupt our political system is.

I hate how fucked up our world is.

I hate how only people who look good get the girls, but nice guys like me get jack shit because we’re ugly.

I hate living in a trailer home.

I hate people. Every single person in the world.

I hate that hotel room that I couldn’t sleep in.

I hate how dependent I am on other people, and how alone I am because of it.

I hate having to pretend I’m fine. I hate keeping secrets.

I hate how everything costs money, but it’s so hard to obtain.

I hate waking up every day in a pool of sweat.

I hate how strong my mom needs to be to get by.

I hate how worthless and pathetic humans are.

All I ever wanted in my life was to do nothing but play video games. I didn’t ask for responsibilities. I didn’t ask for video games to cost money.

I wish my family had more money

I wish I could get whatever I wanted.

I wish I could just play video games and everyone would just leave me alone.

I wish I didn’t have to keep up appearances at school.

I wish I could just live a normal life like a normal kid.

I wish no one would ever have to feel like I do.

I wish I could make anime.

I wish there were miracles.

I wish I didn’t have to face these realities.

I wish I didn’t have to live in this world.

I wish I was never born.

I wish I was dead.

2 thoughts on “Hatred and Wishes”

  1. I don’t know how old you are, darling…but someone always has it worse than you. And I understand everything you just said more than you know. I grew up just like that. No money…dirt floors living out in the middle of a field cuz that’s all my mom could afford…waiting years to obtain the new games and such. This is just a set back in life. And never wish you were dead, because people like you…like us…we are the people who grow up to save people. You won’t always be this way darling…you won’t…You just have to keep trying to get through it and once you get out you will feel so alive and so amazing. I don’t know you, but I’m going to pray for you. You may not believe in God, but he believes in you. Don’t write me off because I say that because I was you when I was younger. I hated life…I cried all the time…I tried to kill myself…but God saved me. I hope things get better sweetie. Praying for you always. <3

  2. I’m sorry, I’m not going to kill myself anytime soon.

    It was just the spur of the moment that drove me to write these words. Something happened in my life, and I realized how much I hated the way things were, not just with myself, but with the whole world. I hated how messed up and unfair the world is and I just wanted it to end. I’m better now, but I really don’t have anything to live for. My life is just a burden on others around me. That’s why I wished I was dead.

    Thank you for your kind words.

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